Friday, May 10, 2013

being 30...

I am officially 30 years old and 8 days :) A new decade, a new season of life... Besides feeling a little uncertain about being in my 30s, I am glad to welcome a new year. 29 has been a difficult year. Perhaps the hardest yet, I look forward to a new year, a chance to start "anew"...

One tangible way to start anew includes changing the blog layout... What do you think of it?  After something pink for so long, I like the simplicity that comes with this... There are few reasons to write. a) to share my story, albeit with a tiny audience. My sister says that if I don't make an effort. she won't know me one day... So I better write! (Or rather Instagram.. Tweet.... blah...I cannot keep up with technology!) b) to remember to live life. I think I have the tendency to think about life instead of live it. I want to remember to intentionally make new memories, to have something to "blog" about. I can't quite remember what happened in the past year, and this needs to change. c) to remember God's goodness. I write a lot about my experiences with God. I want to remember that when I don't "feel/understand/know" him at the moment, there is a context that I am in, which will remind me that he is indeed there, and is way bigger than me. Because of this. I will write, and try to write more. to intentionally live. 

As I celebrate God's faithfulness thus far, I want to remember that he will continue to be with me. I am his beloved and he is mine. His banner over me is love... This does not change, even if circumstances change, or time goes by... One of the scariest things about growing old is the effects that the hard knocks of life may have on us. Instead of being more "kia-si", I want to continue to be brave.. in him. 


I also want to be more free to be me. It is a fact that I will "forever" be an "alien" in Europe. I will never be 100% culturally acceptable, or say/do things that Europeans do. But I want to learn to be more ok about it, instead of feeling bad all the time. There is beauty in being the "yellow person", while sometimes I don't see it, that should not make me feel bad that I am yellow. I am not going to feel bad that I value the collective, instead of the mere individual. I am not going to feel bad about being "nice" and gentle is it is understood as slow, and that might surely result in someone taking advantage of me.. I want to smile even when people are grumpy and only talk about their rights. If I think that the logic may not be the all or the end all, that's ok, because logic is only one part of who we are...we are multi faceted... There is beauty, emotions, relationships etc, and these are also important. 


And as always, i want to learn to be still and know that God is God. At the end of the day, "It is well" because God is involved... 

Have a good day, looking forward to a wonderful year 30 ! May the adventure continue!