Sunday, September 26, 2010

heartbroken

to really love people is to make self vulnerable... which leaves the likely possibility of hearbroken-ness

I still feel blindsided and unfairly treated. I need all the grace and joy to do the right thing.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

To be thankful

i m eternally thankful for my earthly father who has been very sweet hearing my cries and pains these weeks. This has been one of the few highlights of a week filled with cares, anxieties and just separation blues.

I will not trade him for anything and will miss him when i am many thousand miles away. He has made it easier for me to understand the love of my heavenly father.

When I was younger, only 3 things will get me into trouble: being rude, not sitting properly and lying. This meant I do not get into trouble often with him and end up with more time of just bonding....

In the midst of the turmoil in my lil life, I will remember that like my earthly father who will not give me a snake when I ask for bread (unless it is a high fibre snake), so will my heavenly father be there and give me good gifts.

Trust and Obey.

Monday, September 20, 2010

love in action

What is love in an organization

How do u love people in salaries, titles, while trying to be just. m i really being just

How do i do justice to all?

I need wisdom and peace and strength so I wont crumble.. :(

Saturday, September 18, 2010

note to self...

This was taken while on a "retreat" to Thailand a few years back.. I read somewhere about sunflowers outside of Bangkok during December and wanted to go check it out.. We were stationed in Ayutthaya and took a bus to a place that I had thot the sunflowers were at.... after what was a very long bus ride, we found out that the flowers were actually outside the town and would cost $$ if we would want to go to it via taxi/tuk tuk.... this after I drew my version of the sunflower since they had no clue what I was going on about. we were told that we could take the train to a neighboring town and hope for better luck there. :) Of course, the train ride to the station took twice as long and that meant only 1 hr left to see the flowers before heading back to "home"...

A man came up to us while we were at the train station and asked us where we wanted to go. I showed him my map and negotiated for the price . My friend, I and the motorcycle driver took off to this place where he thought I had wanted to go... Of course, his bike stalled in the middle of a big road and I prayed so hard to stay safe.. After taking a few wrong turns, he realised where we wanted to go and laughed at our sheer silliness. This girl has gone around the world looking for this!?! He did not believe that tourists would pay money to see a "crop" grown for $$. When we finally reached there, I had time to snap only a few photos before having to come back to start my very looong ride baack.

When did i lose this sense of adventure and fun? When was the fastest way to the destination more important than enjoying the ride. Sometime between yesterday and today, I grew up and became immersed in paperwork and the efficient thing to do... I want to remember to spend the effort just because it makes me happy. I want to remember that Nature is beautiful and not something to be taken for granted... Finally, I want to not feel old but to be thankful for each and every experience in my life.

Amen and good night world!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

What i want to do...


Make God smile! Tired hippo i feel like.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

learning to be still

I went for a walk today and sat by the nature reserve to "paint". i wanted a legitimate reason to be out in nature to soak in the breeze, the blue skies, green trees and just be out there....

This has been a very difficult week. I think the reality of going to germany is becoming real, yet at the same time, work has been intensely stressful. I dun think it has been this stressful in work for a while. This together is a very trying time. I spend my waking hours working and due to the emotional upheaval of leaving, doing work takes a lot longer... the 2 together makes a powerful concoction... I have found myself in tears too many times this week and also "short' in temperment.... This in turn makes me feel more frustrated with myself and lead others to get upset with me which of course makes me feel even worst...  ( ok, I think u get the point of the downward spiral....did I say i was also trying very hard to not fall sick again?)

I need to remember a few facts in this time and to cling very tight to them.

1) God is faithful and beautiful. Nature is the evidence of the beauty of his work and also his faithfulness.

2) He will not give me more than I can bear... Yes it is overwhelming but I will overcome becos his strength is made perfect in my weakness.. (good i am weak now :))

3) If this is what he wants me to do, he has gone before me and has prepared it for me...

4) He who began a good work is faithful and just to complete it.

Reminds me a little of what I was looking at while "painting".. Ripples and a stone. The ripples come and go but the stone anchored deep will not be moved by the ripples and can continue to stay put. haha. a long shot but a reminder for me.

this is but a season and this to shall pass... stay calm o my soul. the Lord my God is in control.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

in peirong's world


- People will not wear shoes... if they dont want too. I find it hard to find a pair of shoes i like that is not too small, too pricey or matches with anything else. someone just stole a pair of shoes from outside my door!

- People will be sincere .. I dont want to deal with flaky people who pretend to be nice just to keep up appearances

- Love will prevail, instead of financial budgets, politics, reasoning, or pure spite... What does this thing called love look like?

- there will be no administration to be done. I am really quite crap at it. :( Still figuring this out for Germany.

- people are nice... not malicious, mean, or just angry.

but this is not peirong's world.. so need all the grace and patience...