Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Being Stewards of our lives

I wonder what that means. Perhaps if I knew, I could write a book and earn heaps of money. A self help book with that as the title.

Yes, with the death of somebody, we are always reminded to live better, fuller lives. I always think that when I am a grandmother, I need to have stories to tell my grandkids, to inspire them to live their lives, that they will listen and not be too bored. :) So with such an attitude, i have lived the past years of my life but gradually realised that I am not going to be a grandmother in the next 2 years. There is no point in killing myself and I should learn to live each day for itself...

Anyway, some rambles as I refuse to work or study...

2 of my closer friends have tied the knot. 1 I helped out in,almost cried when I saw walking towards the altar... The other, I know married a man who will love her forever, whom she will take care of for the rest of their lives! hehe. I am very proud of them both for being married.... though I have been over thinking what marriage means. I sometimes think that gone are the days when people marry each other becos they are in love. Suddenly, it is about many things. Or maybe because I made it so. I like the idea of God having told us what to do, tho i know that he has given us free will too. All this makes it very complicated!

I wonder what makes a man worth marrying and if it is ok if I marry one because I love him. I love that he and I have common interests in development work, and I do not have to defend my life choices to him. But I have not had the other things sorted out. does this then make me not a good steward??

I went to a meeting with an insurance agent a few days ago and it has been very interesting. The idea of financial responsibility, the idea of risk and what my level of risk is. I am still thinking about how this links to God having my future in His hand.

Insurance girl asks "So, when you are sick, how much do you think you need everymonth to keep your lifestyle? What is your risk appetite,you need to think about permanent Disability, Term Life, Medical Bills etc etc."

I guess the reason I ask is because I know that I am making a decision that is not financially wise, at least for now. I still do not know what I will do for money once school starts, and how I can fly back here and there. My boss thinks I am nuts still and is currently asking me what about Mongolia? :)

What does it mean to be a good steward? To know that much has been given to me, hence much is expected. I have been thinking about faith recently. What that means and how there is an element of RISK. Does this coincide with my thoughts? I just hope I am not risking for the wrong things....

Ok, may all who come behind us find us faithful...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Scatter Brain

Help me Lord becos I have a million thoughts and I cannot do the task ahead of me.

Thinking of.

- The wonder of his love. In the context of Marriage, and how Christ is the groom and the church, his bride. Feels quite amazing, i cannot comprehend. How he uses the model of 2 separate individuals to express his love. Not finished thinking about it so it lingers to bug me.

- The purpose of a family. Saddened this week by a family member. Cannot sleep. Feels dumb to be this upset. over a seemingly small issue. What is a family unit? For support, for admonition, for the best and worst of a person.

- Dynamics at work. I am trying to produce a document that is supposed to make people happy. happy to apprpove something that feels a lot. I dunno, I feel very stuck thinking bout the politics involved. I don't know what the best thing to do is. I need to focus. instead of spacing out non stop!

- My studies. I hope i am not messing up my life! haha. so drama. :( I am going for an exam soon and hopes to do fine. need to study, need to focus. but soo scattered. need to consolidate.

-Life, death, and everything in between.

- And every other random thought that shoots through my mind. Love, what ifs, what nots...

sigh. I need to focus... Need toooooo

Will try again!