Wednesday, January 27, 2010

There must be a point to this.

26 years plus,moved around the little island. From Lower Delta to Bukit Batok to Choa Chu Kang, to Dairy Farm to Pine Grove and now to Hillview. The move is going to happen again and I am honestly dreading it. Not so much the type of home, or the state of the home, but the uncertainty that lies with it as well as the inconvenience of learning the environment all over again.

From thinking i am too old to be getting this affected, to being angry that there is no security..Perhaps it was my babyhood (less than 5) when I was passed on from one care giver to the other that makes me dread the change of environment... Yes, I am too old to blame my childhood for any of the woes in my life, I am grown and I make my own choices now. But I am trying to understand why this affects me greatly...

There must be a point, a point to this change, a point to a life of uncertainty. Surely it brings home the point that this life is a journey and not an end point, the want to do the Singaporean thing, buy a HDB, start a family in a new place is not the most alluring idea. Also, I am reminded that this world is not my home. One day, I will move to my eternal home and know that this is it....

I need your grace right now. Grace to not blame people in my life or seek the easy way out. Grace to learn from it and to come out of it stronger....

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Five Loaves and Two Fishes - Corrinne May (Illustrated)

Dear Lord, I need a plan now. :) I know its your timing not mine,.. just trying my luck,

Talk to me soon, love, your child.

complete family

Yay. my brother just came home. Sis came home last week. We are one complete family again. :)

I am thinking.. that my brother is now a constant male in my life... he buys me toys/things that I dont need to "dispose" off when we are no longer best friends... I can still "enjoy" it. :)

This is getting more special as I grow older! Happy he is back!

ps: I am totally amused with my jet lagged sister, she is keeping regular hours!!! :)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

reflections

I just made a family friend's wife for the very first time.

She just reminded me that my mother is very supportive. This is very true. She has given me the strength to do the craziest things while still loving me.

Granted she nags me to pack my room, is always energetic for the next adventure, highly practical and sees thiings through black and white... and yes, is looking for us to move again...

I need to remember that she is one amazing Mommy! Without her, we might still be staying in a one room flat in Lower delta! ;)

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Happy New Year.

The LORD is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? Ps 27:1

Its a new year. a new decade. With the coming of each year, what more a new decade!!! I tend to be afraid, very afraid... "gifted" with the sprit of perfectionism, I fear that I might do bad with the year, not live up to everything and you know, the normal doom and gloom ;)

So doing what most people do, I m in denial, pretending that the new year is not yet here and yes, be in general refusal of anything that signifies a new year... My bubble was just burst by a rejection from something I was looking forward to. The fear was worsened by my manager telling me bout how I can do better at work... So yes, with this post I intentionally begin my new year. With this post, I declare that I choose to live this year.

I will not make any resolutions this year, since I don't ever keep any. rather, learning from my mistakes and keeping to God's promises...

this year.

1) I want to remember that God is good. He is indefinitely good. And he is not just generally good. but he is good to me.

2) God is sovereign. He knows yesterday and tomorrow and what I will do today. I will not need to fear because He is big and He is looking out for me.

3) I want to learn to trust more and lean not on my understanding. Because I have a finite understanding and he is an infinite God. So, yes, to trust God..

4)Life is good. Life is meant to honor God. Meant to be happy. It is a blessing from God. To learn to smile more :)

5) to continue to love Him more than anything else in my life. to be content in Him and not seek my validation anywhere else.

So may I glorify His name in 2010, and cheers to a new year. Whatever the future holds, I'm in His Hands!!!