Friday, November 14, 2008

I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness. Mother Teresa

It's hard to be faithful when you know things don't last forever...
It's hard to be faithful when you don't like what you must do...
It's hard to be faithful when there are new people you are learning to work with...

Been a emo week for several reasons. One distant colleague decided to stop living one day while on a business trip so my colleagues in Bangkok were busy with him. What would drive someone to such a decision? Everyone has a different theory after one leaves, there are different facets of a person that is seen depending on how you know the person. I am remembered of the movie Citizen Kane. haha, it is super retro, but basically talks about how nobody really knows you cos they all see a different facet of you. well, this is one theme of the story at least. Work, personal etc. but I guess at the end of the day, only God knows everything about you, creating you and knowing the number of hairs you have.

I am also struggling for time and stars to align. The "there is a season for everything" is made extremly real,. I am figidity. restless. I don't feel right reestablishing roots here but yet at the same time, the page is not really turning yet. This results in the loneliness that is felt. yes, I m scared of imposing on people... quite silly I know but that's the fact. The church I go to now has the central theme of helping people "master the transitions in their life." I must say I am crap at it. I freak out when things must change and become nostalgic for what will be missed. But yet at the same time, I look towards the future and wonder about a life that might become. This in betweens are tiring. being in 2 realities but not really in any. Not good. Need to make tangible efforts to truly live in my reality.

This week's devotions was on psalm 23. 2 things stood out

1) " though i walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I will fear no evil".. the valley we walk through does not even need to be the valley of death, just a shadow, a faint hint of death and David recognizes that its fine. it's fine to remind myself not to be frightened. It's fine if my "drama" is not earth shattering, it's fine that I am frightened because of the shadow of another's pain. I can remember that I will NOT be frightened... and not feel bad remembering that.

2) "Surely goodness and love will dwell with me forever" This is a promise one needs to claim. It almost feels disconnected from all the psalm where David was seeking God for solace. the last section reminds us of the need to be positive. to remember that at the end of the day, God is sovereign, and I, as his Child will dwell with God. Sure this does not mean yoo hoo!! no more bad times, but this does mean redeeming, saving and gracious love from our Lord.

Onward Christian Soldier.. marching as to war...

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Part of dream realized

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

Monday, November 03, 2008

i miss the frog :(

Austria hiking... Think sound of music views. Breathtaking and tiring at the same time. Fly me away!

Sunday, November 02, 2008

My 200th post

Yay! haha. a round number. i m quite proud of myself already. I wonder how do people do 800?!? (yes, little girl, m talking bout u)

I am back home and this weekend have not been the best. :( I spent most of it crying,... Glad the weekend is over. my eyes are tired and the heart is still weary.

I am thinking about "Love the Lord your God with all your heart,mind, soul strength"... and how when veering to the "dark, lonely, scary side, I need to choose to Love God and not give up self to despair, self doubt and hopelessness. Sigh. I have very scary tendencies.

I was also thinking about the concept of friends and having people you love support you. Thank you for msn/skype people who talk to me to take away tensions, for special people who are willing to be my dustbin, for family members who give me space to be me and for others who are just in my life wishing me well stead of harm...:)

Yes, God is made perfect in my weakness... and He is mighty to save....