Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Emo David

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O lord my God
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death
And my enemy will say, :I have overcome him,
And my foes will rejoice when I all

But I trust in your unfailing love,
My heart rejoices in your salvation
I will sing to the Lord,
For he has been good to me

Psalm 13

David is very human as I am. Understand how the pain that he feels seems like eternity to him and yet he knows that there is a “but”, a hope in God’s love and if all fails, a memory of God’s goodness to him.

Restless. I wanted to blog earlier about how there is a certain charm in being subordinate to the weather, whether rainy or dry, a clear indication that I am but a creation in the scheme of things, that I m not invincible and definitely not self-sufficient… However, this rain has killed my internet and I left my phone in the office. Feel completely disconnected. Grrr

Doing more salary stuff. I am frustrated. This does not engage me personally and there are piles of paper on my bed. I increasingly feel an end to what I know coming up. However, the future is so uncertain it stirs my gut. Sermon says that faith is spelled as “O-B-E-Y”. Need to know what to obey. So, I am currently contemplating a move to be closer to my frog. I don’t know the specifics yet but I know there is a desire to be nearer him. God knows why I am even considering this. I don’t know the shape or form this is going to take. Thinking of it brings about a mix of excitement and doubt. Sigh. I need to know that God is sovereign and he will direct my steps. Pout.

So, I think it will be good to understand what makes me tick, to do something that I am passionate about. What am I passionate about? Hmmm. I remember a time when passion is all I know and care about… As one grows up, there is the need to balance the passion with the “common sense” and all that growing up brings. There is a certain sense of recklessness and self abandonment in passion, I know that this brought me to work in WV. An experience that has woken me up to more of my senses and tested me to see what kind of person I am. People ard me comment that I look tired and wonder if I will resign soon. Thinking this is not the best for me. Sure the lifestyle is mad. (4 very different lifestyles in 1 month) but I don’t believe that this is in vain…. yes, I need to remember that life is a journey and not a mere sprint. Somewhere in the past, I felt a deep seated need to get things out of the system for whatever reason, now, I need to remember that I can’t kill myself doing all these things but need to “pace” myself. So interesting how perspectives can change one’s actions.

Ok, this writing thing is good at calming me down. Back to comparing benchmark positions… The motivation in doing my work is in seeing that there might be a potential tangible effect to people who work in the office.

Dear Lord, at the end of the day, you are in control and we are but instruments of your peace, teach me to sing the song you would wish…..

Nite world. With love and kind thoughts.

Friday, May 16, 2008

kiddo says i look like a china food promoter...

This is me eating Cheese Fondue. I look happy here. I have a tendency to be mellow and melancholic. I like the big smile in this foto. Don't quite recognise me here.. Anyway, detour was sweet. Enjoyed it. Glad to be almost done with Bangkok...On my way back to Singapore for a week and then back to Laos! See you folks soon!

................. Yurong says i look like a food promoter.. in the spirit of that...

Waffles in the middle of the day... and....

TULIPS! hee, frog says only pensioners go here!

Ok, final photo of my frog. This was taken while climbing up a mountain.. He looks gay here! hehe. ok. sleepy sleepy time. Nite for now world. God bless and keep you.