Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Monday, November 05, 2007

Frogs go rabbit rabbit
Toads go croak croak.

Anyway why are you signed in on my laptop!

lalala. haircut lunchie.

inject some nonsense in this blog.

okay bleah boo bee. bees are everywhere!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Who am I...

Ans: ____________________

been thinking about it for the past days. Have been attending my classes about leadership and facing some work issue that in mind is grey. Leadership as the research goes, involves a lot of impression management and faking and doing the "right thing". Work has been a lot of doing as the bosses ask and being the perfect worker. Increasingly, I have been feeling challenged on the values lived out by the people i work with. This probably affects me more than the tangible things around me.

During these thought process, I came to the conclusion that the world can be as distressing as ever but what's important is that I know who i am and what is important to me and just be me in this big bad world... ...

So who am I? I like to do personality quizzes for fun. Therapeutic. Think - what crayola crayon are you, what disney princess are you... (for the record, I am ariel.. little mermaid is great) but i think knowing that I am ariel is not going to help me to make me a better person. :) It's not going to help me to figure out the work issues and the stresses I face. neither does knowing what crayola crayon I am have a big impact I suspect... I read somewhere that the most holy thing i can do is to be me. This entails having a healthy self esteem and not always being in competition with the world. It is the most loving thing to do, to play my role in the grand scheme of things. However, what is me? Who am I? I am sure this can bring about a great philosophical debate abt the issue of identity and one of the recent cool phenomenon that was reported was the quarter life crisis.. haha. Well, this helps to re-emphasize the importance of identity to the way of life. Me thinks the cheapo answer to this question is I am a child of God. Cheapo indeed but also profound. What does being a child of God entail? What priviledges, struggles, imposing ideology.. cannot finish discussing it here. But what I know is that I have a life time to figure it out. When faced with a dilemma, i need to think: as a Child of God - what does that mean to me and how will that cause me to act?

This leads me to the next point. What is important to me? I watched a video on Margaret Tatcher last night who said something to the effect of know what is important to you and don't compromise on them. Another thing I watched was from Grey's anatomy and something that stuck was what izzy said. I tried to look it up a while back but couldnt find it.. so in peirong's version of it.. it says something to the effect of both. "I am both and I can be both. I am emotionally involved with the patients but I am also a professional doctor." (She was not talking about her fiance by the way... )

Wat is important to me? what are things that I stand up for and refuse to compromise? In all honesty I dunno. is s377 important to me for me to stand up on it as much as the repeal 377a folks? I dont think so for a myriad of reasons. I think that experiences are chanels in life that provides me an opportunity of self discovery, and also a choice to decide if I choose this to be something important enough for me to not compromise. If this holds through, only through life experiences do I learn what are the things that actually matter to me for me to stand up to it... (since i refuse to learn it the easier way by doing as I am told .... stubborn kid :P ) .... this is not to say I will not make bad choices. but rather, i will learn to be humble when that happens and not blame all that is around me or rationalise my choice in a self defensive way...

The world also teaches that we need to hide our emotions in order to do our work well. It works well for those women who have been blessed with not being emo but for me, a super big emo heart, that's like asking me to be somebody else... and I cannot be engaged, alive and real if I cannot be me... So, I am both, I am emotional at my work but I also do my work well. (I just suffer more that's all :) ) In this emo-ness, I will work through life experiences and fully savor the flavors that are offered...

At this point, I don't know much. I dont know who peirong really is and how she will turn out. She thinks she is still a work in progress... She claims to be a child of God and she will continue to endeavor to work it through. She will not shun life experiences but will figure out what's important to her. As of now, she knows that injustice is important to her. It angers her so much... not the people who create the injustice. But the effects of injustice on the lives of people... I have a very soft spot for the underdog..... (a friend was talking to me abt not caring about it. Need to learn to block it off.. but I think that I cant. I need to figure out how and what i can do about it since I will be sad about it.

The only thing i pray.. that what is important to me will always be that which is pleasing to God. ...... Dear God, do you like frog? I like frog. Thank you for being sovereign in this world. amen.

Good night... sleepy sleepy time.