Sunday, September 16, 2007

the day i said goodbye

the day i said goodbye, it was to the fairy tales of yester years
it was to prince charmings and happily ever afters..
to feeling sad about what could have been.

i said hello to life realities, the harshest words and the toughest gig.
I wondered where I was and why it is and what could have been and what i can do.
A treacherous way filled with thorns and a tunnel that seems grey and ugly.

I contemplated on reality and wondered how i could stay happy.
living in a fairy tale is living a lie, not what i think is what should be.
I asked for reprieve and i asked for reason and a little grace to aid in walking.

In my nostalgia today, I felt a little for the love we shared.
I am thankful for my found love, deeply entrenched in real tough realities;
but miss the innocence we once had shared.
my friend, my memory, my youth, my past, rekindle the spark in me today.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Peirong the bitch

Just to show that I have the bitchy side too... :)

Sunday, September 02, 2007

back to my real life...

So i have been back to so-called real life for the past 3 weeks thereabouts. I remember why I don't like this real life... everything is more real...haha. But I am slowly easing back into it. I took a few days off to be "emo" about everything but I think I have indulged in my melancholy enough. It is now time to pick myself up and move move on to live this life victoriously.. in a bid that I can tell my grand kids a story that is worth listening to. a life that has not given in to fear.

:) PNG has been great. It really has. It has made me a lot more firm and assertive than I ever was. I can now say no to sales people without feeling bad.. (i did a facial where they tried to sign me up but i stood my ground and said I am sorry but I am not interested!) There are many things that I will remember, the sweet camaderie shared with colleagues who are in the same situation with you. Life is a lot more intense and acute when it is a limited period. It is a short time for many things to be accomplished.

The carved man is the wooden man that I have brought back from PNG. :) During one of the conversations we had, I accidentally slipped that I wanted a one kina man (equivalent to 30 US cents)... and this was the result of it. My one of a kind kina man... In a bid to make him more compatible with me, he is wearing my motar board and sitting on top of my book shelf... :) I think he is quite ugly though.. but if it is just 1 kina.. I cannot complain too much. The (wooden) man in my life

:) Many thoughts. Many learnings. I love life and I don't. It is amazing what I have been exposed too... yet so difficult to swallow as well. I spent the past few days contemplating all that has happened. I don't think I can ever make sense of it all. things that happen to people and to a society at large. The injustice caused by people, structures of power... it never fails to make me feel bounded and trapped... And yet I need to hold fast to the truth. The infallible and unmovable truth. That the battle belongs to the Lord and the winner has been made known.... However, this does not make it easier and the process still needs to happen. The war needs to be fought by the faithful soldiers who are willing to be drafted.... The difficulties, the lost fights, the lost people... will always be around. ...

Perhaps I may never know how to grapple with it all. In fact, I don't think I will. Life is tough, the earlier I accept it the less time I will spend wondering why it is the way it is. My role is to be a ready Jar of Clay.. probs the hardest thing to do but i have been again reminded that everything is God's. I am also reminded that he is my savior from my ownself.

So next week i pick myself up and restart this engine. I will remember that God has been very very good to me while i was away but I will contine to claim His goodness while I am at home. I will not do anything as a form of escape but will be happy with what I have now. :) So, Peirong is going to enjoy the next few days of her leave and then start work again with all the energy to do that which she needs to do.

Let's go for a meal people. or better still, let's go for a workout. I am totally unfit now and it is not good... I m thankful for the simple worship service i went for today. Nthg to ostentatious or too crap. It was a good simple.

Everything is strange and weird.. choose what strange and weird u can accept.

Hugs!!! love, me.