How does one determine if one is more evil than the other. How does one decide one's actions towards the forces of evil? Crash was particulary poignant because it had the element of good intentions but bad results.. Motives and intentions are not enough sometimes... Actions need to be grounded on these motives and not be swayed by feelings of fear, guilt, shame.
I guess I can go on about how evil-ness is very prevalent, but we all already know that. So the question now will be what are you going to do about it? Join a social activist club? Was thinking sometime back that being a model is at the top of the food chain, you get to wear pretty clothes without paying for it, you get men at your backs doing exactly what you want... hahaa, and one day I got a bit less shallow... I realised that clothes was not all that mattered:P though this was only drilled into me after joining the pagaent that had the tagline "beauty with a purpose"... it is all dreamy enough for me to go for it.. haha, but with sleazy management and sleazy videos and cheapo bird nest's endorsement where an old uncle's vote was all that mattered... Next, no more just lookin like a pretty face.:)
So, I continued on my quest to find that one thing that would give me the leverage to help make things better. The more i journey, the more i realise that perhaps what i am looking for is not that tangible.. living in a world that is interdependent, there will always be one that is higher than the other, depending on the slant you wish to look from. Riches are important. Sure, but what are the powers of darkness that holds this rich men (it is highly plausible that I am beling sour grapes here hence saying that being rich is just a good thing and not a must have...:P ), also, what is it about this richess that enables the person to be better than his poorer neighbour? His connections? His $$$? or possibly his nurture...
Anyway, I digress. The point I am trying to make is that I am slowing feeling that I am now of the mind that perhaps it is an inner quality that I am looking for... An inner quality that despite prevailing circumstances, results in survival and goodness. Sure this is not rocket science and many people have already figured this out... look at the number of man-made millionaires, rags to riches stories...But I am thinking about more than that. How does one use this inner quality for good?
Recently, I have been reflecting on what it means to be a NGO worker. Partly because of the angst I feel about how I am compensated, this makes me wonder if I am really contributing to making this world a better place with my present role? In the NGO front, therein too lies power and control issues and forces of evil. Sure it is a Christian organization,but it is also fallen men who are running it. With falleness comes pride, the need to succeed,recognition and esteem. There is no running away from it. My good friend wrote me an email of encouragement yesterday regarding our good work in another part of this region. Perhaps I should not care soo much about my role per se, but that good work is done, regardless of how fast or slow it is.. That is not for me to question as much.. Yes, I am all for excellence. But this drive for excellence cannot result in a selfish ambition.
As I continue to ponder about the good, bad and ugly... there is a place for pondering and a place to do something about it.. It is my prayer that I will find that place to make a difference, not for myself, but for the betterment of another.
Teach me to be less of myself and more of You.
To love your grace and compassion for others more than for
Thank you for your goodness, grace and faithfulness.
May hope continue to dwell in my heart as I walk through life.