Sunday, November 05, 2006

Impressed myself!

Hello Folks! I just did up a website with photos from highlights of this year. Well, I know the year has not ended, and the photos are not complete.. But, this is it for now. Enjoy. :)

My Photos

Time to get some sleep now!

Friday, November 03, 2006

A fresh perspective

I should never ever show this to my work colleagues. I have an audit coming up in the next two weeks which means loads of work but at this juncture, I feel like I need to think through what has happened while I was in Japan and to recollect the good, bad and the ugly. (this is because there is cell group tonight and I am supposed to be sharing...)

So, I am currently thinking like Le Corbusier, a notable architect whom coined the term "less is more".Keeping up with the spirit of this, I have written a Haiku.. (end of blog entry if you are interested). Zen, minimalistic concepts are very much linked to Japan, though this is probably not the most common representation as one wanders through this amazing land where contradictions is the norm. Yup, anyways, while less is more, I should write about how this trip went, before old age or forgetfulness strips this of me.

So Japan....we spent in total 16 days and my favourite memories include watching a show at Disneysea, visiting the sites at Hiroshima, taking hot spa baths and just walking around with my fat sloth (my backpack).

So, the plan with going to Japan is that we will be anti-establishments... haha, but within the first day, the plan fell through with us visiting Disneysea. After spending a fortune (equivalent to 2 nights of lodging at our cheapest stop) to enter Disneysea,I was like, urm... why again did I want to do this. The thoughts of dislike of Tokyo disneyland, which i visited the last time I came, flashed back.. I remembered the frustrations with Japanese Speaking Pooh, Mickey and the whole family. But hey, when you bugged the man to visit this place with you, you better look like you are having a ball since it is entirely for you! Yup, so we went around the different stops, did the rides and all and finally we went into the little mermaid "chamber". This was the place for the tiny tots, not 23 year olds but there was a show in 20 mins and we were both tired on our feets so I insisted that we shall watch it.... And I am so glad that I insisted to take it. (For non Disney people, sorry that you have to read this if you are reading it that is) The show was about Ariel and it was really a circus show with the whole cast, Flounder, Sebestian, Ursula and all. Nope, no prince but it was really quite a spectacle. They were doing lots of somersaults in mid air.. and everything was very magical.Its been a while since I was awed with such "man-made" wonder. This is good, better that Cirque De Soliel (Sorry, spelling going down the drain)...I was teleported and truly believed in the magic for that moment. There must be a reason why I like disney! So as of now, need to visit the one in HK, Paris and Florida and I will be done with the disneys. STOP building them!!!

After visiting Disneysea, the next day saw us start our shinkansen trotting around the various stops, somewhere between Tokyo and Kyoto, we decided that we will fully utilise the pass and go to Hiroshima (yes, it was NOT on our original timetable as we thought that we might not have enough time)which is quite far down south. I am glad for the change in plan. Hiroshima is in a league of its own. Well, it spoke to me in many ways. It was not a grand city but a rather quaint city where walking will bring you pretty much wherever you want. Also, with the rich history where humanity has been so severely insulted with worldwide attention, its hard to not be a place that evokes much emotions.So my favourite story is about this vivacious girl who during her infanthood was exposed to the radiation but managed to live through it. She was a school runner and at the age of 12 was dignosed with cancer. Upon realisation, she folded thousands of cranes as her wish to be alive. As all real stories go, she died subsequently but since then, a Childrens' rights monument has been erected with lots of cranes folded. There is something about the laughter of children that does it for me.... I can't help but smile when I see a child smile,or cringe when I see a child suffer.

Yup, so I like Hiroshima. It's nice, quaint, emotive, clean, pleasant, and last but not least had heaps of good food! :)

The places that we stay are all budget places, some better than others and some had the traditional Spa Bath. It is basically a big pool (just like a Jacuzzi) where u sit down and chill. haha, perhaps not chill since the water is like 40degree celcius.But after a loong day of walking around, it is really quite pleasant... There is a skill to it this using of the huge bath tub, but not exactly "G" movie rating so I shant go into it... But, it is GOOD and the antidote to every worry to life. :)

So, my sloth. After like 3 days of dragging the bag, one day, I got really upset and started kicking my backpack. Nope, it didnt do anything to warrant such violence but I was just frustrated at how heavy it was and how despite my best efforts, I get a backache within 2 mins of carrying it. So, on that fateful day, I started crying after carrying it and I started scolding it for not doing anything except to plop on the back... yup, fat sloth. Everyday when its time to move, William would help with its mounting and graciously put my bible in his bag to ease the load. I felt like an eeyore with the load on theback but in time, I enjoyed the moments shared with walking around with the bag. Yes,it did make me cranky on several occasions but on the whole.... sweet.

Thank God for being able to not worry about work. There is something very sweet in thinking about where we will go and not have a plan, where we will stay when we dont have a clue... :) Japan is a very interesting place. I cant put my finger on what it is. It will be arrogance should I say they are empty and so they fill their lives with merchandise (yes, they are a very materialistic society) but there is the spiritual arena that I cant decide about. I can't decide if it is empty or I am too simplistic to figure it out. There was a period in Japan's history where Christians were persecuted. There arent that many christians in Japan today. The Japanese are such obedient people. I can see why at many junctures, they are held at the other end of the spectrum to the Americans... But I am thinking, which is better. To be a yes man and do as you are told... or to question everything and kinda insist on your rights. Well,as with everything, it is a balance. But balance is not my favourite.... Anyways. I think I am equivocating. Wanna end soon as the day has ended. Pictures will come. I promise. Have a blessed weekend.

Travel ends.
Heart yearns for more
Longing lingers.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Time. Love it and Hate it.

You know how when you watch movies, read books or hear stories,... Time is not an important factor as to how the plot unfolds. The difficult, mundane and ugly gets glossed over only to live the exiting, meaningful and eventful.

How untrue this is about the walk of life though. How often do we work ourselves up for a moment? This work probably lasts 90% of the time, but the only justification of this time is in "I worked really hard"... What steals the limelight is the moment of glory, of abundance and of event.

What shall I do while walking this straight and narrow path? Yes, how much have I cried about this? I lose track. But yet I yearn for that light at the end of the tunnel soooo bad. I cease to question if it will happen, but I am now trying to walk the road of quiet confidence. (though I am not quiet yet. hee, still whiny and uncertain and wondering). But this walk I will take with my head lifted high. With the gentle quiet spirit that does not cut another soul but rather uplift the soul.

God says that if you believe it with ALL your heart, it will come to pass. I will believe that life is more than social norms. Not because social norms are bad. But because God cannot be boxed in social norms.

Sure I am young and seemingly less burdened-hence less reason for disappointment. But dependence is not time bound. dependence is an act of the will. Yes my little girl, as you grow older, you dont want to rely on people. but as you grow even older, you realise that you are crap alone and it is with people and God that the picture is complete. When peace can be established and it can be said that the soul is well.

I am speaking in code. Sound like Jacintha in Singapore Idol. :P the point of this post is to enjoy the ride. the 3 lines in a book that often represent us most of the time. Nite world. the eyelids are drooping.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

After a long wait...

I feel like I should update my long forsaken blog. But thoughts that I think are a little convulated. To set it in writing would require some thinking through,some clarity on my part... but but but.. it's time.

I think that I am either going through the pains of puberty again or the way to adulthood is by no means an easy feat. Sure, it is a ride... an exhilirating ride. but as with roller coaster rides, sitting on this ride for a prolonged period may not be my favourite cuppa of tea.

Some highs over this period:
I got to see Howard!!! (he is the guy whose blog I read religiously...) *Big big grin on my face*
Haha, I felt like some secondary school kid who just met up with Jonathan Leong (a contestant in Singapore Idol), who gushes over him and screams her lungs out.. But nope, that didn't happen. All I did was just beam and turn beet red.... and perhaps float on cloud 9 for a while.. but yeah, reality struck really soon and I was like, hmmm. a little short aint he. haha ok,I wil be nice.

Went Horseriding! Went with sir Knight for a little adventure. We took a train to Kulai and went horseriding there.. I like the horse I went on a trail ride with, he is as melancholic as I am and we got on just fine... Unlike sir Knight's horse who just ate at every opportune time. It was quite a funny sight to watch really! We had gourmet food, a great time of fellowship with God and basically just bummed alot. I liked it. Oh, there was the world cup! which kept me thoroughly entertained. for a while after it ended I thought that I would suffer from withdrawal symptoms and start watching the English Premier League.. But nah, I am not that crazy after all.

I think that horses are very beautiful animals. I guess at this point in time, I relate with these creatures because they are free spiritied creatures but yet they are in reality locked up in stables... Yes, i know that I am free in Jesus,that I am a victorious child.. but.. I do feel a product of society with obligations, duties and responsibilities bringing me down.

Beach visits! I lurve beaches. While the grandeur of mountains always leaves me awe stricken... the beach does it for me. Went to Siloso beach a while back, listened to Jazz music and just chilled.. ran around like little kids and just laughed at our source of entertainment! Hmmm, am I aging too fast that I squirm and think that this is an inappropriate form of action? Just very recently, I went to East coast for a try at roller blading. I proudly declare that I can stand on my blades but blading is very different! :P sir Knight was the sweetest as he tried to teach this athelatically inept lady how to manoeuvre with her blades.. :) It was great fun and may I say hard work. I want to learn how to blade.. the gateway to nice toned legs!

Graduation! Haha, i guess it is good to write this down. Well, I was suffering from a flu on my day of graduation so my photos didnt turn out as beautifully as I wished they would! So, I am officially a graduate with a certificate to prove that I am not a phony! It was nice to see my classmates of old and to feel that sense of pride that I have acheived it. I thank God for a season of my life passing in completion and another one that I am still trying hard to understand.

Parents who saw me through the Singapore Education System!

It is good to write all these thoughts down, it helps me to count my blessings and to be thankful for all that has happened.

So, currently I am craving for some peace and quiet while screaming inside to be heard and understood. I am tired of all these in front of me.Some have said that I do make my life complicated and really, it doesnt need to be that way. Yes sir, yes mam. I know it doesnt need to be this way. I know that you are probably sick of hearing the same old complaints of the issues that bug me... Yet I am a creature of habit whether I admit it or not.. my pet peeves/hurts do not change much over time; what changes is the way I think about them and react to them.

I am learning what it means to be gracious and to be accepting of Grace. I have gone one spectrum of thinking that the situation/person is totally horrid to thinking that I am the most failed creature in human times. Yet in times like these, God's grace is to be the salvation(saviour) of the situation. To save us from anger, rage and total despair. I pray that God will teach me to be gracious, not pretentiously but with all sincerity that would have me die on the cross for one that is not at all worthy.

I am learning that while everything is relative,.. and really, there are not many big social events that men can use the Lord's name and say "God Wills It"... his sovereign love and control of the situation makes everything beautiful in its time. This dismisses the huge fear of screwing up in the event that I choose one option over the other. It makes it more bearable as at this tender age, I do have the space to make mistakes that do not spell DOOM.

Yes, it is a journey to the deeper unknown, where what is known can often be reduced to an unknown, where questions that I don't even know exist I start to ask. Where the only thing that I know I can depend on is not far, but it is not where I wish he would be (yes,I know, girl.. do more QTs)....

In the mean time, I need to continue to take this humble way, it sux big time sometimes if you ask me.. Mega whine. But I know that the act of it shows me the lowliness that God took for us. I need to relax, knowing that I can do anything as long as I love Jesus (paraphase of St Augustine), that loving is often a discipline that stretches one in more ways that is expected. And finally.. to expect and not be dismal about the journey that is ahead of me.

To end things, perhaps I should share a little from my little lessons in QT. I have been reading Jeremiah. Such an angry book, well God's wrath on his wayward people that Jeremiah was communicating to the people.. But God shows his mercy in time and that's when he wrote the verse that is quoted way too many times(Jeremiah 29:11). Context: This people were a people in exile because of their wayward ways and it is there that God says he has a plan for them.. to prosper and not to harm them.

Some moral of the story that could be learnt....
1) They deserved to be HARMED considering how bad they were
2) This promise of God did come through as seen in the fist chapters of Ezra
3) He does gives us promises at those times when we need to hear it most

With this I leave u and continue with my work. I know that life is tough. very tough. But God works through the tough ways to make us tough people. tough earthern vessels that he can use and work his glory through (2nd Corinthians). So that we will not crumble in the face of pressure, that we will in time learn to smile and say, as it is with God,.. so it is with me.

God Bless.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Before the world began, you were on His mind....

Thank God for that. I am writing to celebrate the fact that I was productive today at work! Yippy! Haha, I have been rather unmotivated the last few days at work, it is great to finally get my act together and to do wad I need to do.

On Sunday was Father's Day..The pastor that day was talking to parents on how better to be GIFTs to their family,those to whom you are closest too... I think it is quite relevant, though I am not a parent... I am not a big fan of acronym's like these.. But yeah, I admit, they do work.

SO here goes.

G= Godly Values: Imparting godly values to your children such that they will always walk the straight and narrow path... The pastor related it to the Fear of the Lord.. He did a very simple analysis: Fear of the Lord = Beginning of wisdom= more discernment= less bad choices in life.

I= Inheritance: A sense of Purpose and Dignity. This would give people the purpose to live through the difficult times as they will know there is a purpose for a time such as this.

F=Friendship: To be a friend and not a mere disciplinarian. Show them love and affection.

T= Time. Time shows to what extent is the person valued.Nothing tangible can take the place of time.

Yup, this is it. Time to sleep. Another long day at work tom. Take care, God Bless..

It's a happy day and things are gonna get better...
Living each day with the promises of God's word...

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Growing up pains.

"You can do anything you put your mind to- all it takes is determination"

I wished I believe this all my life. I wish that I am a more confident girl. But wishing doesnt change anything does it... This was said by the finance director yesterday during devotions. It was a very uplifting devotions. He was talking about the testing of faith.

growing up is so difficult. It is so much easier to walk in the shadow of something else. The "right" way, the "safe" way, the "sane" way. But I noe that I can't do that. I want to do be able to lift my head up and say that yes, I know that I am making my decisions based on courage and boldness and not on fear. I am doing what I can do because I know that I can do it and not because the society demands this of me. Why is this so important to me? Am I being naive and silly? I want to be un-doubleminded, stable in all I do. It is so hard..

Hmm. I am sorry if you are lost again. I guess my current state in life is this. I know that I am nothing without God. I know that everything that society presents as truth may not be truth. I know that Grace is what keeps me alive. I want to feel this grace so real. I want to walk this straight and narrow path. To have the strength to do that I am called to do...

For those that I hurt time and ago. I apologize. But I don't want to apologize anymore. I want to be loved for who I am. Not to be sorry for the learning that is taking place. I know that I am a walking paradox. I am not being rational. But please see that I try. Please see that I want to do what's right and yet I am human and I feel stresses. Please see that I no longer know what is right except love for God.

Pain and suffering I ask not you take,
but an added portion of grace in all my life I plead.
This life I ask you will be pleased with,
and through your wisdom I will learn.

Oh Lord my God thank you for being truth.
I pray you will teach me your ways more and more.
That in all I do, you will be gloried.
And that my life will always be used by you.

Was reading about Solomon the other day, Nope. I don't consider myself a King. But I see similarites. Solomon felt young and intimidated. So do I. He asked for wisdom to do the right thing... I too want wisdom to do what is right.

Yup, I am done with my thoughts. I am sorry for confusion. I hope that you will be true to yourself and your calling as you continue on your spirtual journey. Nite world, God bless.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Post Modernism

I must confess that a man is guilty of unpardonable arrogance who concludes, because an argument has escaped his own investigation, that therefore it does not really exist. I must also confess that, though all the learned, for several ages, should have employed themselves in fruitless search upon any subject, it may still, perhaps, be rash to conclude positively that the subject must, therefore, pass all human comprehension. (David Hume, 1737)

Quote from one of my favourite philosophers. This talks about truth and the need to be serious about searching for it. This is the central theme in post-modernisation philosophy.... Too often and too long, I have taken everything around me to be "it": The real thing, the truth. I guess what I learnt from my time away is that this is not necessarily true. The onst is on me to not be rash and to take my own time to determine what truth is for me.

If I am losing you over this.. I am sorry. I have not written on my blog for a while because I don't quite know how to phrase all these thoughts that have been running through my mind. What is truth? How do you know it is truth? What is love? etc etc, you get the drift.,.. Of course such an approach to life would cause many disturbances... but I need to know for myself. Or reach a stage in life when I will be at peace with my not knowing. I pray that day comes.

I will write in greater detail about all that is happening ard me. Suffice to say, I am at my thinking stage and today, my ardent fan (or so he calls himself) asked me why I have not updated my blog in a while. I guess truth be told, I wanted to process it first, and I have not. Well, not a satisfactory answer anyway...

Okie, Sleep calls.Gotta wake in a very short while. Till then, Nites world. Love u.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

i am back.

Monday, May 08, 2006

A picture speaks a thousand words...

Enjoy. Special Mention goes to Joseph for helping me make this smaller so that Blogger would accept it.

With Love,

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

That special day...

Hello!! I can finally access Blogger. The last 2 entries were done by my little sister. which explains the title. :) haha, but i am not complaining. Thank you!

A short post on that special day in the year.

Have lots to do, I need to be focus but I want to say thank you for the many sweet folks that have wished me Happy Birthday!I feel so loved…

Yup, my colleagues here were the sweetest! They bought a cake for me and we celebrated! Presents include a cup with many smiley faces! (Because I use plastic ones here), an adorable parrot, a silk wallet and a bouquet of flowers. I know that I am old.. but I still like presents. Haha.

I went out for dinner with someone quite special (nope, not as special as my fish, but special enough). We had Korean food. (he’s Korean) and went to hang out at a nice chill place. The place that I like was closed so we chose somewhere else. We shared good conversations that I really like, haha, not everyday you meet someone who thinks lots too! After enough talk and decided that it was time to go, I was given a tour around the city. Oh, have I mentioned that I was at the back of a Vespa? Hee. Happy girl.

So, that was it. Went home and watched the OC and Northshore. My Tuesday routine. It’s a happy thing, birthdays. It is filled with the happiest and most sweet memories. It’s not entirely the presents but the thoughts that people have. I can’t answer when people ask what do you want for your birthday. What I want is a little ridiculous in price and I cannot justify having it when you see people with very very little… (For example, an Alter Ego- Tag Haeur, a celebration ring from Tiffany’s, I don’t mind some very pretty shoes too etc, you get the drift...) So, I answer, its up to you, I will like it regardless. Haha, Sometimes I regret saying it but at other times, when I see the thought that goes into the gift, awwww.... (dreamy look)…

My Birthday wish? I wish to be happy and less uptight about life. To enjoy the ride more and not worry about the consequence too much. To learn to be stable and not double minded. Yup. This is it.

Today, I found out that my somewhat special friend got robbed after letting me down at my place. Thank God he is fine. Gosh. Too close for comfort. I feel a little guilty though I know that I am not supposed to. Yup, its not very safe here, please don’t show this to my dad. Haha. I think that I have taken safety for granted in little contrived Singapore.

I have copied the song Smile, music written by Charlie Chaplin. This is how I feel right now. He wrote this for the movie: “Modern Times”- a comedy about factories dehumanizing human beings. An interesting movie, if you can endure black and white, go for it.

Okie, I am done with my lunch break. Have a nice day. I am feeling a little sad now that I am going to leave this country soon. Thank you Lord for the chance of a Bday here. I need to learn to say goodbyes. I am quite crap at it. Oh well, I have to. I am old now. Dots.

Charlie Chaplin

Smile tho' your heart is aching,
Smile even tho' it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by,

If you smile
thro' your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shin-ing thro' for you

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev-'ry trace of sadness,
Al -'tho a tear may be ever so near,

That's the time,
You must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worth-while,

If you just smile,

Tuesday, May 02, 2006






Friday, April 28, 2006


Hello. Sorry for this really late update. I only have my computer during work hours and I should really be working those hours.. J Anyhow, I am almost done with my second week in Phnom Penh. It’s been quite alright for the most part of it.

Last week, I went to an ADP (Area Development Program) for a visit. I wasn’t as excited as I should be but thought yeah, it will be a cool experience. Whatever. (haha, talk about attitude problem.)

So, I started my journey on Weds to a remote village Central East of Cambodia to a District called Chulkiri. The work done by World Vision in that area is still at its starting phase and not much has been done. What I did there really was to follow the Community Development workers (CDW) around as they do their work. At that particular week, they were signing up children for Child sponsorship provided for by Support Offices such as World Vision Singapore. It was great to see it. I mean, there is a lot of background work that is not seen when a child gets sponsored. First, the CDWs had to ensure the villagers that they were not going to sell the children and that this was for the benefit of the village as a whole. Next, children had to be chosen based on their family background (they will not be accepted if they come from abusive parents). After the children are chosen, there begins the laborious process of signing up form filling. Necessary evils. We spent the whole day filling up forms. The nicest part of this must be the children doing something on the child introductory letter. The smaller children would have the palms traced and the older ones would draw something on the paper. Its really interesting to see how seriously the workers took this process, they made sure that the right hand was traced and joined the lines very carefully where they don’t meet. Wow… a lot of work if you ask me… The next day we went to a real village chief to have him endorse all these applications. A real village chief. J They all have the fatherly feel to them. Haha, he offered a house next to his and asked if I was interested. Awwww.

The other part of community work is the way we live. It’s amazing how bare can bare necessities be. Living conditions there aren’t the best. But it was enough. I slept in their best accommodation (the floor in the manager’s office) and they had bought fresh well water for me to shower in. It was quite funny really. The first day especially when I reached and was surrounded by men, I was a little embarrassed as it was after work hours and they were all taking their shower in front of me. Haha, I don’t think that there were self conscious at all, it was me just me. (I tried to walk away and keep myself occupied, I walked to the cook and there she was killing life fishes!!!. Gosh, I decided that watching men shower was a better sight.

In my 3 days there, I must have learnt a lot more about the male anatomy. I have a younger sis not brother and I am never one to peer into the underpants of all the little boys out there. Haha. But when one is in the village. You just can’t help it. The children almost unanimously do not have any clothes on and they just run around in front of you. It was really quite a sight to behold.

I hope you are not thinking that village life is quite horrible. It was in fact very pleasant. It is probably true that it doesn’t have the excitement of the cities, but there is a very pleasant simplicity that reigns. I am not sure that I can do with roosters waking me up at 5 in the morning all the time. (I was thinking about the 10 ways of eating them. Who cares about bird flu), the smell of the fresh grass coupled with the cow manure, pig defecation and rotting food…. But there is something special about seeing how human beings interact so closely with nature. We walked around, rode around during the sunset and watched the stars at night. Stars are called Dara, or Boo-gai ( if I heard rightly). Yup, though life in the village is hard work, people tend to be very simple and happy. I know that I can never be simple and happy. I can strive to be simple and happy but that in itself is not very simple is it…

Ok, so now I am back in Phnom Penh. I am finally not scared to walk around in that apartment at night. On the first night, I was so spooked that I switched on the lights the whole night. Haha. I am proud to say that I can walk around with no lights now. Hey, it’s a big achievement if you are laughing now. Just the other day, As I moved, I felt a presence move too, I was spooked, but I tried to face the fear, I am proud to tell you that what spooked me was my own reflection. Yeah I know, silly thing.

I am going for dinner tonight at a Regional staff house. He is a relatively new staff and together with a few staff, we are going to have dinner. Quite exciting. I am always psyched for dinner plans especially without my fish around. Talking about fish, he is now in the UK with his dad. I hope he will keep well. Traveling does funny things to his nose…

So what is on my mind lately, I am thinking about choices. I think that I am a little more settled with the fact that I have the ability to choose. Yeah, it sounds dumb. But for the longest time, I always feel afraid to make decisions because of its responsibilities. I can live with another’s decisions for me because I can blame them if it ends up bad.. But when one makes his/her own decisions, tough, you have to bear the brunt of it yourself. Not long ago, a friend here was talking about how I am fortunate because I have the liberty of choice. This is back at my head again. I had a talk with my boss earlier this week. Have I said that I feel very extreme feelings for her? She is a ESTJ, the complete opposite of me. Haha, I think that it is the love of God that binds us together. But that does not mean that it will be easy. I communicate way better when I am here in Phnom Penh, we do not have the barrier of distance that makes it even harder.

Anyway, I feel for her a lot. She keeps getting the hard knocks because she is not as diplomatic a person as an Asian Society would like. I was particularly taken aback by one incident between her and someone else; someone that I truly respected. It is hard for me to rationalize the intensity of their differences. It reiterated that no one is perfect, even after going through many years of life. I must still love people even though they are not perfect.

Sorry for that digression. Choice. We had a talk on my personal development goals. What do I see myself in 5 years from now? What is my ambition. Earlier on in my walk, I felt that it was bad to have selfish ambitions. I need to live a life that is Not my own. However, there is a thing called a holy ambition. Hmm, what is it? In a book lent to me by someone I respect, it talks about being true to my calling. What is it? Anyway, this is a school of thought. In another school, which I felt very strongly during my time in the village was that the people there do not really have choices. They have to do what is asked of them. I guess this is another form of poverty: The inability to make choices but the inevitability of life circumstances.

So, I am turning 23 in a few days -Yes, a GENTLE reminder!!!. So what life lessons have I learnt? I learn that doubt is part of life, there is nothing wrong about it. But one needs to also put his/her foot down and bear the responsibilities of their decisions after the season of doubt. So, for the many things that I have doubted in the past, I pray that in this new coming year, I will come to clarity and make the sweet choice that is for me to make only.

I have had so many fabulous experiences in this past year. It’s amazing. I can only be thankful of my many blessings. From finishing school, getting myself into the workforce, learning more about what it means to love. It has been great. Ups and Downs in its fullest. I had an interesting engaging conversation with another a few days ago on what truth is, we were talking about theology and truth. I decided that I know that Jesus is the truth not because of logic. I see his miracles big and small each day of my life. I pray that this friend of mine will one day see the glory of God in all its fullest. My laws of logic are not enough to convince him. Dope!

Ok, have a great weekend all, its time to do more work and look busy. God bless you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Until next time, Jesus Loves you.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Cool of the night breeze...

There is an attraction in writing in the middle of the night when all is quiet and the only sounds one hears is that of the crickets outside.. I just finished reading the book "Flowers for Algernon".. Hmm, as my sister puts it.. thought provoking.
Are things more beautiful because they are temporal? What is the value of a human life? We are the most populated animal in the world and yet everyone is special, unique and God says.. fearfully and wonderfully made.

(the keyboard of this laptop of mine is dying. I am sad.. I have emotional connections with this laptop.. My faithful companion during those nights typing away on all those frivolous papers.. I need to save my photos.. Shall add that to my long list of to do list before I leave...)

Anyway, why am i up at 322 am right? Since my younger days.. sleeping late is my way of silent defiance amongst many other reasons... When there is something bugging me, I can't sleep. I got to process those thoughts. Wonder in front of the tube what's wrong or read a book and listen to some music... (currently listening to the soundtrack of Sleepless in seattle)...

So the question now would be what am I defying against? What's up right?... I think that I am still learning about what it means to be a woman (I dread this word.. Lady sounds much better to me.. but anyways..)Just reread the book Captivating,.. It is about a book on being the woman God wants you to be.. Before you go yeah yeah.. I've read enough of these books to know that they are just some ideals that are OUT OF REACh.... I like this book because it is actually encouraging (instead of reproaching).. Or if a friend at work would put it, it appeals to that intuitive, feely type in me..In a very short summary, the book emphasized about the importance of our Heart. Not our achievements, our wealth, status, fortune... That God is THE knight in shining armour and he really love love me.. Sigh. 23 in 3 weeks (thanks for the reminder jiamin!?!) and yet I still cannot understand a sunday sch song..

Yup.. there was also this part about being beautiful. I have decided to set my heart to becoming beautiful. Not as the world would have me be... but that which is lasting.. The elusive and almost non existent inner beauty.. So much so that it radiates out.. So, been meditating on what it is.. 1 peter 3:5-8.. (camp verse when I was in Secondary 3).. "do not give in to fear"... the main ghost in my life. God knows all that terrifies me. everything. From being not enough to being too much etc. In short, I guess i am saying that I am trying. To not give in to fear (i can't stop being scared.. But I can choose my reacion) ....

Another aspect about being a woman is dealing with men. The weird gender that I still do not get! How do you show grace, love and yet be an encourager and an influencer and not a control freak all in one? Go figure. Sigh. this perpetuates my I am happy to go away again from this all.. Cannot...

So, enough gibberish thoughts. Today is Good Friday. Thank you God for your love. Thank you for being good enough for humanity. Help us be humble and obedient enough to be your children.

Had nice steamboat dinner and ice cream with my favourite people. But a few werent there.. :S School feels so far removed. Can I go back there pretty please? I promise to honour datelines and be diligent.. Thanks for my pretty accessories and the box to keep them all in. My first present! Today my fish bought me a cookie monster t shirt, and he got himself the elmo one! Hee! :) I was quite thrilled. We are going to wear it to church on Sunday. Perhaps I will capture a picture then? I always say that but I don't do it!!!

Watched "why my vote matters"... I think that MM Lee is quite insightful.. and the journalists do sound very foolish in comparison.. But I guess like teenagers, they don't want to be spoon fed, the illusion to be in control of their situation.. Hmmm.

Ok, I will sleep now. Enough rebellion for one night. Good night world. Jesus loves you and that is what christianity is about. Love. the unconditional sort. And this is why we celebrate Good Friday and Easter. Jesus's Love.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Late night thoughts

*Breathes in & out* I have so many different trains of thoughts.

Be still and know that You are God..... (sssttiillll).....

Okie, again, will number these thoughts. so read on if you are interested, otherwise, may i point you to one of my favourite comic reliefs. Howard Lo. Nope, no crush on him. But I really enjoy reading his blog. Hilarious, insightful, sensitive, witty. all rolled in one. I raved about him long ago...but.... He really writes well!!! :) (Big Grin)It be interesting to meet him one day. I am quite sure he will fall short of my expectations. considering how I have placed him on a 'pedestal'.. hmmmm....

1) Screwtape letters. CS Lewis. If you are feeling like a good read and nothing really jolts your conscience anymore without being condescending... May I recommend Screwtape letters. It is chilling i think. Shows you the ploys of the evil one. Yes, I know that I cannot take the book literally, this are but ideas of a man (possibly ordained by God) BUT... IT is quite amazing. I guess it feeds the more inquistive side of me... Makes you more aware of the schemes, but does it help you with the narrow path that we are commissioned to walk on? Lord, I pray that you will help me to be the child that you want me to be...

2) Church. Okie, this is written mainly in reply to my lovely sister's blog entry a while ago... how can people have a home church at A and feed of another church at B(something of that effect). The answer to that honestly is that there is nothing perfect in that. I think that this is my way of coping with reality. Remember how I tell you that people have different battles that they choose to fight? I guess at this point in time, I have chosen not to fight this battle. maybe I am just tired, defeated or distracted. At B, there is the total abandonment of self and the full concentration on God that makes it easier to bear. I pray you will not feel like me regarding this. Maybe it is good too, i am not sure. I am not saying anything good or bad, but the guilt, the longing, the seeking all twirled into one. To know that God is around in the good and the the beautiful and the ugly....

3) My Dad's graduation from bible school. For some reason, I am really happy for him. Happy for the opportunity. All his life, he thinks about the safety, comfort, joy and happiness of his family, it is really nice for him to enjoy the fun, learnings, attention that he did. Have I told you that I really love my dad? I am your typical Daddy's girl. Thank you Lord for this opportunity to be his daughter. (If you are thinking that he is PERFECT.. ask any of those in the house and you will know that this is NOT true!!! )

4) Loving the imperfect. (Love your neighbour as yourself...)I think that this is difficult. The coping with the imperfection seen in self and others. It makes one despair, escape,harden,and all things bad.. Yesterday, I went nuts. (:S in skype in french, it means an unquiet heart) I guess the trick round this is to know that humans are NOT PERFECT. Managing expectations.. :) The love of Christ that works through us.. Not for us to manipulate and say that God wills it but to have that grace that he has for us and to use it on others... I have always thought that I have a forgiving nature.. but yesterday was scary.. I canot indulge myself that way... Dear Lord, teach me to Love your creatures and to see the world through your eyes please..

5) Relationships. I am conflicted. Really I am. Watched some dutch movie today on Demand tv(digital cable).. haha, I have decided that the movies on demand tv are all related to sex, horror, and the ugly side of humanity. Art often is. What is art?(don't get me started, i did a full philosophy course on that).. Hmm. one of the reasons for its existence is about honest expression of self. But self is imperfect. So perhaps that's why it is not all that wholssome sometimes.. Anyways. back to the movie. It shows the depiction of party life in holland, and some part of BGR. What is in a relationship?
At times like these.. I feel juvenile and immature. I want the euphoria of feeling in love, the commitment of someone being around, the bestest qualities in a man that will sweep me cross my feet. But in reality, that is not the case and these ideals often fall flat on the ground often breaking into many reality bits. Ouch. Tough. Hmmm, help me to not succumd to the natural tendencies to fear the future cos I know that it will not be ideal. Oh well. I am thinking about individuals that I know are not perfect (but I have yet to see their flaws)... Hmmm.. :S

okie, it is time to sleep. Time to meet God in that quiet place. time to be reproached, loved, talk to. Nite World. above all, I know that God is good and I am in good hands.

Monday, March 27, 2006


Yup. It is quite short. Hmmm, can't remember the last time my hair was this short! Ahhh. I am quite speechless.. my sister says that I can go clubbing. haha, i guess i got the desired effect from it. Something less virtuous and sweet, gives people more to think about before summing me up as a sweet young thing when they first see me...

A life ruled by circumstances. Pray I WILL NEVER BE LIKE THAT. I know that God uses circumstances to mold us but I will not want to be helpless because of my situation.. :( Money issues at home are not very fun. I don't want to be a product of these situations. It is not very nice really... :(

Went out for lunch with boss today! (this is the boss that just resigned to take care of her child)... It was quite an interesting lunch. I like breaks and leaves. Am very happy not working today. Had breakfast with my husband never to be zoomed around in his bike. That was quite fun. Macs at west coast. This is the second time we are doing it. Quite fun...

Am feeling rather agitated now. It is really quite a silly reason to feel the way I do. but I can't help it. After 23 years, I still yearn for acceptance and recognition from you. I wish that I can now fully say that I don't need it but when you are disapproving, it hurts. Can't you see that I am just trying to find my place in this big bad world. I am trying to find myself and not what you would have me be. the pageant and now the hair cut. I really don't like the feeling i get from you. O God, please help me to seek all that I need from you instead of imperfection...

Okie, it is time to sleep. Pray the spirits will be lifted higher tomorrow when I start a new day at work. God bless you and keep you!!!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Daughter, Princess, Warrior.

Went to Hillsongs in Sydney a few years ago and they were selling a T-shirt with these words for their women’s conference – Colours.

What defines me? A church friend shared in his blog about identity. Who you are when worldly definitions disappear. When beauty, intelligence, wit, wisdom, wealth all fades away and you are stripped bare as an individual.

I had a conversation with my boss here over tea just now. She was sharing about her family dynamics. I told her that the main difference between her and my other boss was that she identified herself primarily as a Wife while boss in Singapore identified herself as a worker, efficient chain in the workforce. Well, I think that I can identify with both of them quite well. What do I want to be when I am their age? I think that one common thing that we all share is we all had mothers with strong characters. This results in the daughters choosing a route that is not mediocre. An intentional choice… The decisions that I purposefully make now will determine that somewhat. Hmmm, what would Jesus do? How and what would a princess, warrior and daughter do? I pray that I will make the right decisions…

The good thing about world vision here is that it feels like a school. The employees here generally appreciate a kind camaraderie and are warm towards one another. We have devotions every morning and as much as we can be cynical about it, it is for a good purpose and it reminds me of secondary school.

So what have I learnt from devotions this week?

Yesterday during chapel, an economics lecturer was preaching about grace, repentance and all. The one thing that stuck with me is when he said that as he ages, he realizes that he is not as nice as he thought he was. That he is wretched and nothing without God. I can identify with that totally. I wish to think myself as a just person who wants to love God and people without prejudice. But the many failures keep reinforcing that it is not through my own strength that this will be made possible. When will I truly learn that?

Today, devotions was about trials in life and how we need to continue holding on to our faith. (I think that this is it… Devos are held in Khmer and it is through the kindness of people around me do I get some translations here and there ;p) It is so easy to write and talk about holding on to our faith on a happy day, but when crunch time comes and we know that it is not all that simple, and should truth be told, it is always easier to indulge in the what ifs that goes through our mind and to be unstable and to wonder and to wonder and you know… Yup, so today, we read a verse that I decided I liked. Ha, as though I have a choice whether to like it or not.. but here goes,

“May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” Romans 15:13.

It’s really a timely reminder for me as I was just thinking that I couldn’t imagine living another 50 years. I already feel weary and tired but I do not want to be boring and gray… As I read this, I know that hope (a positive anticipation of the future) is not from my own self but by the Holy Spirit. I do not need to force my self to be hopeful in the dreary world but I would need to trust and have faith when all seems wrong. Trust in exchange for peace, joy, and hope… Hmmm.

Okie, now to the more exciting stuff. Went to Angkor Wat with my fish over last weekend and it was quite fun though I must say expensive. We did not “live it up” but we had a driver and ate in expat eateries. We commented that with enough imagination, this could be Holland Village, hee.

So what’s going on right? Not very long ago we were going through this awful time and now I am writing about our little getaway together. How scandalous!!!(but yeah, this is Peirong, so anything is possible) I half guess (more like I KNOW) that fish will not read this, so honesty is the best policy. I think that God is teaching me faithfulness. I see many other fishes that are somewhat interested to be caught and the human nature in me sees the potential and inadvertently compares it to the current fish. This is bad of me (see as you grow older, you know that you are bad!!!) and I feel guilty and yet angry. Angry that fish does not meet expectations and as such causing me to feel this way. In a way, this allows me to justifies my actions and to throw that fish back into the water…

But. (Yeah the redeeming but…) But I now know that I am quite miserable without my fish. Though fish is not the best, I know that potential fishes are not enough for me to break faith. Doing the right thing. A good friend (whom I respected and if I be honest, had very good feelings for) emphasized the need to do the right thing. At that time, peace was something that I completely did not feel. So the right thing felt like saying bye… Hmm. Even now I am not sure if being together is the right thing. But what is trust if we know the absolute right?

SO… Peirong is going to trust God to provide. At least till she next come to a crisis and becomes uncertain in all she does. She is going to embrace the hope that a future is good. Regardless of what it is like by then.. A career woman that brings in the doh or a mother and a wife whose family is her first priority. Sacrifices either way… Hmm.

A jumbled up thought process for the FPs(Feeling and Perceptive) out there. Lunch break is over and so I will need to do my less preferred thinking and judging.

International Women’s Day. Holiday tomorrow in Phnom Penh! Yippy! Been invited to a church BBQ. I think I will go! Office back home is giving out sewing kits… Dots. I would be happier to receive a black and decker screwdriver as a symbol of equality… Sewing kit… Feels like something that I got when I received a brownie badge when I was 12. Hmmm. Another long entry on how women are their worst enemies another time. Till then, keep safe, smile, and know that you are loved.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

5 Loaves and 2 fishes

We all know this parable very well, God feeding the 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fishes. Yesterday during devotions, Nigel (an expatriate here) was talking about how God could easily come up with his own food, perform a miracle single handedly instead of using the 5 loaves and 2 fishes that was available then.

Am I available? Am I willing to surrender my little? If we give our 5 loaves and 2 fishes to God, it can be used by Him to touch more people than I can ever imagine. This is the first time that I am seeing this from this perspective. This story has always be told to me to show God's miraculous ways. Everything of this world screams to keep one's own for one self. Why do you want to share it? You need to survive in this big bad world! Invest what you have for yourself! ... But a perfect and amazing God would consider my small insignificant gifts and want to work along side me to bless people. Working along side God. Wow. :)

Yup. that's all the deep stuff you are getting today. Life in Cambodia is simpler. Less sophisticated and "cool".. More genuine, honest and sincere. Sure you get the fluff as you will in all cities of the world, but the majority of the people here are still very dan1 chun3 (pure and simple in mandarin) - expressing self in mandarin. gee. I am not sure whether I can live like this forever, I do enjoy my urban life, being able to go out at night without stigma, people that understand me for who I am without too much effort, great infrastructure etc.. But at this juncture in life, I am really happy zipping around in motordubs without constantly being judged by how I dress and look. :) Blessed I know I am.

So more about my beach trip. I think that as I visit more places, sights become similar in nature. A beach more often than not, has sand, some palm trees, water, (with luck it is clear), a horizon and some huts(that is if you are not at home). As such, what defines a good trip is the interaction that takes place at the site whether it is a solitary one like reading, drawing, muling, taking photographs or of a more gregarious nature such as this one.

We played many silly games that were played in primary school and I think that I have not grown up much since as I still enjoy these games till now. These folks enjoyed singing and joke telling for the whole bus ride (which lasted about 5 hours), another colleague asked what would it be like if the bus is filled with Singaporeans instead. I said that there will be little whispers and people will most probs be listening to their ipods or zen! :P

The lowest point of this trip must be falling ill. though I must say that I am spoilt at the present hotel that I am staying at and this has caused the one at the beach to be pale in comparison ...hee... ok. back to fallin ill. I think it must be the seafood that I ate at the beach... We had whole sotongs, crabs, payaya salad with preserved crab and rice... This was all cooked by ladies walking around with their mobile charcoal cooker. People who know me know that my stomach is probably my weakest link and after a long bus ride with insufficient sleep, I should have been wiser to choose something else to eat but everybody was having that and I didnt want to be difficult.(plus its the beach of course we will have seafood!) So,doing what the cambodians do, I ate the food, swam in clothes, (that's very hard to do. reminds me of swimming lessons, but I didnt want to draw attention, so nope. no bikinis and its likes though the sun was great) played ball and talked. It was good fun. Wholesome... till nightfall came and it was time to sleep...

Popped charcoal and parcetamol before i turned in. Woke up super hot and prayed really hard. Didnt want to be sick! Ate more paracetamol and in the morning, was feeling faint. not the kind that people pretend to have.. Was feeling really bad.. I was trying to wash up but walked out to lie on my bed instead.. Couldnt really move. :( Anyway, to cut the story short, went to the local doctors, was quite cute. I just kinda told them that I was feeling ill and the symptoms and they prescribed me some medicine. :)

Glad to say that after a while, I felt strong enough to play and was having fun again. :P It was a good trip and having colleagues attempt to speak to me in english has definitely helped!

Oh! I had my first ride on a vespa yesterday! Hee. Big grin! :) Went out for dinner with 2 other regional colleagues and it was good fun.

Need to pray for my colleagues. The devil comes to steal and destroy. Will not let him do it... Today is a "I am blessed day". But I need to be a blessing today. I will be going back end of next week and will come back here again in april for 1 month. cambodia is growing on me.. I am liking it! :P

Thursday, February 23, 2006

life in cambodia

Am sitting down at my table, going to start work soon. This week is a bit slower as I am still waiting for replies from people. And with none of them now, not easy to start anything.. Oh well. (I can always file my emails, reply emails of old etc...)Procrastinating.. :P ( But if i don't how are u going to get an update?)

This week has been a bit slower and less fascinating than the previous week. Well, good to settle I know but I need to start finding something to do in the evenings.

Activites in Phnom Penh follow the sun. At 6am (yeah I know, CRAZY! Why are people up so early), people are bustling around and work starts... I saw the sun rise today. Whenever I see that, I think, the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end, they are new every morning. So It is a great way to start my day...(though I will have aches from a crappy pillow,a hard bed that I am still not very acquainted to, irrational fears that somebody will barge into my room, yea, irrational)

After waking up and washing up and the most difficult task of deciding what to wear, I am finally sitting down for breakfast (it is a buffet, but the food doesnt change and it is mostly oily)- I have a hard boiled egg-white, a little baguette - I never fail to be intrigued to see baguettes sold on the road side (I associate baguettes with wealth for some reason), orange juice and fruits...

Breakfast last a whole of 7 min as I have a driver (Yeah, my own personal driver! - as if) to pick me up. Haha, on the first day when yi tse my colleague was still around, I thought our driver to be very good looking. haha. I think that Cambodian men are good looking. well more so than the girls here.. But thats just me.. and shhh... :P.

Back to my good looking driver. Quite funny la. Yi tse says he looks like Gurmit Singh. (ouch! Do I have that bad taste).. Hmm, perhaps the darker and more handsome version of Germit. but not tall. Okie, enough of that talk. (I do have substance too!...) He picks me up in the morning at 730 to reach work at 735. Feels like a school bus and this makes sure that I am NOT late. haha.. yesterday we tried to converse a bit.. and when I alighted. I wished him "have a nice day" but he did not understand me. So I said, have a happy day and he laughed. haha. Happy day. Today, as I was alighting, he asked me whether I am happy today. I said Yup and he said he is not.. awwww. :( But oh wells. I asked him to be happy and left the car.

Work in the office here stretches from 730 and 5. So long!!! Haha, I am not a workaholic. :) Oh wells. Writing this during work hours. tsk tsk. Naughty girl.. But but. waiting for people to reply. Will work again after this. Work best in stressful situations. So dumb, then I so stress I cry. Silly.

Haha. see how i glide through talking about work.. (nothing too sensational there).. Lunch time. Eating with the other HR colleagues here. Quite fun. Haha. we eat khmer food. (what else). Hmm. I think that it is an accquired taste. Not like thai where since young I was exposed to it... Khmer food has influence from Thailand and chinese. SO the outcome is quite funny. hah. I am still getting used to it...

My favourite activity so far is riding a motordub. This is their motorcycle taxi. So basically I am just a pillion rider. Haha.. So fun. (cheap thrill I know) the feeling of the edge (literally) etc. hahaha. sorry... I am confined in safe sterile singapore way too long.. haha. My dad better not read this. Else he worries. :) hee

I need to think about activities to do at night. Cannot sit and watch star movies.. ahaha. NOOOOO. Not good. Rotting away. But but. people here follow the sun. and we live in the tropics. So, no long days for me.. Hmm. think tonight I will go on a cyclo and tour the city or something.

This weekend,I will be going to a beach resort with my colleagues. Should be fun but I am a little scared. Just a little. Found out that there will be a few here who cant really speak the Language. So.. that's good.. I will have someone to talk to, :P

Was thinking yesterday whether I talk to everybody who talks to me especially when I am in a foreign place.(I don't mean polite meaningless chatter) But I realise that NOPE! haha. not that "loose", dunno how else to put it haha. People that I eventually "click" with are good people, one way or another. They contribute to, complement, a side of me which to me is very alluring. But yet I need to be careful to not let my heart "stray"... Not to be double minded. haha. if you are going "huh?!?!?". I would say well done, you are normal and not as crazy as me... But oh wells. Choices that you make results in the consequences you have to live with, but yet I am not to be afraid of these consequences and not be decisive. All that is asked of me is to Seek God and His righteousness.

Seek God = Submit everything to him. Put him first. (easier said than done).. Not to think, psycho self that "GOD WILLS IT", like Kingdom of heaven hee. Hmm. Sometimes so easy to think that.. hmmm..

His Righteousness = "Whatever is good, pure, holy.. Think of such things". (In Philippians) So difficult to think of such things sometimes. Well. Easier to think negative, complain etc.. Oh wells. Who says that this is meant to be easy?

I need to work, enough procrastinating. Sorry. Tried hard to post photos but but.. It doesnt work. I think my photos are too BIG! hah. Internet here not fast enough so it takes a loonngg time!

As I started out the blog entry with description of my day, may I end with the night stars.. As Phnom Penh has less light pollution, stars tend to be more visible.. Whenever I look at the stars, am thinking of that song, somewhere out there, beneath the pale moon light ( and the twinkling stars), someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight... And I am thinking of you too. Take care, God bless. Do Not worry about tomorrow as tomorrow will worry about itself (hah, this verse was told to me long ago by someone who used to mean a lot a lot to me.. hah. I hope someone is doing good...)

Back to work!

Monday, February 20, 2006

My first week in Cambodia

I know this is way past due. Had a very busy week. Busy with meeting people, places and creating new experiences. How do I like Cambodia? I am not quite sure yet, each day evokes different sentiments. This place’s economy is run by aid, which I find highly disturbing. If you work for an NGO, wages will probably be higher than if you work for a government body or a private company.

I started the week with dinner with my colleague Yi Tse and another colleague Neil. Neil is the Micro Finance Credit Director (I hope I got his title right) for the Tsunami office. It was quite fun I must say. He has had a very interesting life. Working for the royal force, the prison, publishing company, and now World Vision. We talked about the stability that a family can give you, and with this stability it gives you the opportunity to do more in life. We talked about funny life experiences too, and how it adds colours to one’s life. It was a good night.

The next day was our first day at World Vision Cambodia Office. Our first stop was with the Advocacy Manager. He talked about the work of World vision in Cambodia. It was a very meaningful meeting. The rest of the day was spent with different people and honestly, after the third meeting, I was not absorbing most of what was introduced to us. In gist, they shared about their Child Protection Policy, Children Sponsorship program, HR policies (Yes, I am after all in HR…) etc. At night, I spent a very nice valentines’ day dinner with Yi tse at a very romantic setting. The place was really quite nice.

I guess the action really started on Wednesday. We went to a Trauma Recovery Center where girls are brought. These girls have been trafficked or raped. They range from 6 to about 18 and they stay there for about 1 year before they are reintegrated back to society. It is quite a provocative place. It justifies the hard work of NGO stuff, but yet one wonders if this is enough. One of the biggest challenges in these shelters are that there aren’t enough of them around. There are still girls who do not have any place to go even after the social worker rescues them. Corruption is still prevalent. Some police officers are so corrupted that they go to the shelter and demand the girls back. Nevertheless, there are successful cases. Some girls have since tried to have a normal life with a new hair dressing shop, or a new tailoring job.

The next day we went to check out the HIV aids project that WV does. Our first stop is at a small village. There we see a group of women sitting together. This is one of the work that we do. Congregate the women and then talk about the different kinds of treatment that they can have. It is just like a care group for these women. We asked them how they got their virus and no guesses for the right answers… Yes their husbands went to the city to work and when they got home, they fell very ill and yes, the rest you know. Our next stop was to see a children’s club. They were learning about Children’s rights. Final stop was to a small village to see the children in the community. We went to 2 separate ones. One was a little boy who had the virus and was staying with his grandmother as both his parents are no longer around. I think this boy is very ill now. If I remember my biology well, I think it is Kaposi Sacroma.
The community was very vibrant and the children were the most endearing. They were very happy for us to take a photo of them. As they were from the village, they were not the most fully dressed and had to wear some clothes before we could take a photo. It was really quite a pleasant experience. After this little boy, we went to another family where the mother is living with her son and daughter. The mother has the virus and is rather ill. The land they stand on is away from the road and they do not have much support from their neighbouring villages. It is quite unfortunate as they were in a rather pathetic position if I can say. The boy has to catch frogs to make sure that they have enough to eat. How can one even begin to understand the magnitude of this issue? Can I blame the government for what is happening to the people? Can I blame men for being men? It was all very heart renching and I felt very small. I really do not know what is the optimum amount of help that should be provided.

The next day was spent in the office again. Not very much drama to consider… J We went to the Russian Market after that and really, should you not mind the smell, the heat, there is a real bargain for factory clothes… Today was spent on touristy things again! (It will no longer be today when I finally post it up)

First stop was the killing fields. This was where about 9000 people were killed, or known to the less informed travelers (like yours truly) as the place where there are many skulls. Stepping out of the car and one can sense the deep sense of sadness in the place. We bought the ticket and a tour guide brought us around and explained the history behind it. It has indeed made the visit a more rich, rewarding one. So how do I feel besides sad? The constant feeling that I feel here is that nothing is fair, and life without God is never in its fullest (and fullness does not mean perfect) After killing fields, we did the more light hearted alternative shopping. Yi tse left and I bummed the afternoon and spent the evening in Jomil’s place.

It is Sunday now, pardon this confusing blog entry, internet is expensive so I am doing everything on word first… Went to an International Christian Fellowship run by AOG. It is amazing to see people of different colour, shape and size praising God together. (Jesus Loves the little children, all the children of the world!) I think that this must be what Heaven is like. Was dropped at the riverside after this. Sat by the river and saw children taking a little shower, people fishing, people on little boats. Hmm., I think that I am painting a very romantic picture of what life here is like. Walked around little shops after that and walked into this silk shop that has products made by handicapped people (This is here as I need to justify my purchase- even after buying 3 other bags at central market. Hee) I had a very lovely chat with the lady at the shop as she was practicing her English on me and I was quite happy to oblige having nothing much planned for the rest of the day. And yes, I decided to indulge myself yet again and bought another bag!!! I cant take it, silk pretty bags are relatively cheap, clothes from GAP, Ambercrombie for like $2, 3, etc. What can I do? It is all quite tantalizing to buy these clothes from little markets where scents of pig, bananas and sweat are all rolled in one!
Ok, on with the day, as I walked down the riverside, I decide that I need to have lunch and as I walked down, I sat in an NGO food place. Just as I was about the sit down, I saw a lady asking for money. Another subject that is worthy of discussion.

You know how people say teach the man to fish and not give the man a fish? I realize that that this teaching process is very complicated. First, who do you teach? Corruption often takes away the money that is needed for teaching. Even if the money is intact, people often have very varied views on how should one teach? Different “teachers” have different ideals, different methods on what’s the best way to teach fishing. This creates so much mess, so much confusion. At the end, the man may not really know to fish at the end of all that training. Way too complicated to learn.

Hence I did the grave sin today and I gave the man a fish. Remember the lady asking for money? I invited her for lunch with me. She was very young, had a younger girl beside her and little baby on her lap. As she came, she ordered Coke and fried rice. (talk about globalisation: Coke?!? sheesh) This created quite an uproar and other street kids came running to me asking for a meal too.. Well not all, another little girl, who says that she is their sister wanted to be included in the party too. We all had the meal together. As we were eating, a very pretty young Cambodian girl selling books started talking to us. She speaks good English and this is a brief of our conversation.

PG (Pretty Girl): Where are you from?
Me: Singapore
PG: Oh, how old are you?
Me: 23 (I have learnt that it serves me well to kind of inflate my age a little)
PG: Do you have a boyfriend
Me: Yes
PG: No, not good to get man from same country! Must choose from America, UK or Australia, the men there are good.
ME: *giggles* Why?
PG: They are rich, good must choose from them.

It’s amazing how these little children are so sharp. I wonder where she got her information from. I told her that I thought the Americans proud (wondering if she knew what rich meant). She said that it was alright, as they were rich. I am a little sad that most of these children will not be able to have what I have (and I really do not have very much)… People argue about what Jesus meant when he said that the poor you will always have. Hmm, isn’t it all that obvious? Why is there so much argument? We live in a very fallen world. Stuff like these are bound to happen. What can I do? This world is so imperfect. I am sometimes frustrated because I cant further my studies NOW (hee) because of financial constraints, and yet these children are not able to get a basic education because it is too expensive.

Jomil asked what did I learn from my orientation. I told her that I learnt that people survive in their imperfect situation and make the best with what they have. Yes, I really wish for everything to be perfect. Yes, I know that people try their best. And I guess that’s sufficient for God. Wow if you manage to finish this entry. It is Sunday afternoon and I am not sure that I want to go out. I do not want to spend money!!! (Spent way too much today) Thank you Lord for this opportunity. Thank you for letting me see every facet of this imperfect world. I pray that you will show me more and more to be more like you. Teach me how to be friends of the poor, to give them their deserved dignity and the respect that they require.

Till my next entry, take care folks. I will be good and try my best to not get too rip off (yes I know that I already am, but but.. the children have a special way in my heart.. and I do not ever want to be hardened with the poor!

Saturday, February 04, 2006

How should One live?

Total surrender to God. Love compels us.
But a war is raging inside. A restlessness that slowly evades the soul only to leave one feeling desperate, seeking something that they cannot fathom.
Is this a healthy emptiness. For me to know that I am nothing without God? Or is this a too many worldly notions in my head,... that I will not be able to pass through the eye of a needle.

Dear God. Please help me to be content. I have many dreams. MANY. Hmm. Sometimes I wonder, are they given by God? cos all good and perfect gifts come from God. Or are they soulish, selfish in Nature.. Created by my fallen nature.. Hmm. ok. Wad are these dreams right? To be happy. Boss says she has given up on being happy. She is just joyful.. (peace in her heart). Hmm. Happiness. Is that a very selfish thing? Gah. So wad makes me happy? Silly things. Yes. I am a dreamer. I want to fly away.. perhaps to the moon?

Ok, gibberish I know. Sorry. Hmm. Watching Cayote Ugly.. Oh oh right. Something very worldly.. (thoughts of yesterday)

On a lighter chirpier note. Today was quite a happy day! :) Played board games with my fish's colleagues. Hee. Engineers are very different from my colleagues. (Fish cos colleague says he is a good catch.. that would make him good sashimi...) After that, I watched gilmore girls. (yes I adore that show. so querky, girly and funny)... :) Went for dinner and we just talked. Played with our laptops and all. Hmm. something very sweet and blissful in that. Just talks, listening to songs, laughing at the lamest jokes and even praying together. I have established that I desire loads of attention. hee. Thank God that he does not despise for me being like that.. :)

Many thoughts. Excited about Cambodia. I am going to Cambodia in 1 week. Pray that it will be a good time. I am a little apprehensive. I will be fine. I know. Each time I do something by myself. I feel that much more confident, that much more free.. hee. indescribable feeling. So hard to assimilate back to real life again after that! :)

To not be captivated by the things of this world.. the worldly things that charm me most.. Teach me to be focussed on the best things in life..

1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual[a] act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.- Romans 12:1-2.

Amen amen and amen!

Friday, February 03, 2006

What I want...

I want to love God.
I want to be happy. To not feel weird feelings in my belly...
I want to be wise. To know what is the best thing to do in sticky situations
I want to be at peace. To know that all is good.
I want you to smile. I want my dress. I want a camera. I want to be more brave. More of God to help with my deep insecurity.

All these wants.. Ultimately I dont want the guilt that I want too much...

Haha. Be still and know that he is God i should! nite world. will write again soon!

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Rascal Flatts - Bless The Broken Road Lyrics
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Yes, very auntie. Like slow songs like these. :) Lyrics mean a lot.
You win some. You lose some. You just choose the battles that are worthy to fight.
Sleepy time. Thank God for his unfailing nature. Yes, his mercies are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness!

OUt of point: Want to buy pretty dress. It costs 100.. Wad do you think. hmmm. So silly right. I should just have bought the dress on my blog montage. hee I like that one too! okie good nite world. May you continue to look beautiful tomorrow.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Finding my place in this world

Hee. As cheesy as Britney sounds... this is how I feel now...

I used to think I had the answers to everything
But now I know
That life doesn't always go my way
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman
All I need is time, a moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl

There is no need to protect me
It's time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own
I've seen so much more than you know now
So don't tell me to shut my eyes

But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way

Thank you for your love, patience and perserverance...
For I thank you Lord, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made... Your thoughts being higher than mine.
Have a great week. Will write soon. Cheers.
Mosquito bite on my face.. eeks!

Monday, January 16, 2006

my favourite sister


Want to tag you but tagboard not working.. so... anyways, this if for my little favourite girl. She has exams tom and has fallen asleep from what i hope was hard wotk....

wanted to write something from "mill on the floss" that I thought was very beautiful...

There is no sense of ease like the ease we felt in those scenes where we were born, where objects became dear to us before we had known the labour of choice, and where the outer world seemed only an extension of our personality: we accepted and loved it as we accepted our own sense of existence and out own limbs.

hmm. labour of choice. pain of consequences. acceptance of inevitable. no questions or doubt.

To dream the impossible and yet live each day with contentment.

I'm in his hands, whatever the future holds.
There is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

May God bless you with the wisdom required to live each day.... Know I need it more each day. Thank God for your revelation of restoration, direction, intimacy, purpose. Pray you'll show me what it means to share this relationship with you in a deeper level.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

A Wise man...

I should sleep soon. But thank God for people who are not willing to give on me. Hmm. keep wanting to give up on myself. hmm. Dunno wad to say. But perhaps that I am still learning more about myself. Still growing... Hmm. wonder when will I be done with this inner turmoil. sigh. but God is there. to make me more like him. Have to stop thinking that i suck. Oh I need to be thankful for my "dear" too. haha. I love u man! Dun think you actually read this. but.. :) it means a lot to me that you care.. haha. :) take care. will try to be happy . to have the much coveted peace! :)But godliness with contentment is great gain...

Thursday, January 12, 2006

inconsequential events that make up life

To live gleefully during the little events in life and not wish for the grand moments that will haunt one for a long time to come...

God allows some to go through great events. To be made to be great people... and He also allowed some to be slaves, never having the choice to decide what they want for themselves in life.... Wonder what God has planned for me... Hmmm.

Today is like the 10th consecutive rainy day... More of this weather and I think I will be duper moody. Hmm.. Thinking of the time in NZ.. where the sky is like that for 4 days straight.. when we get a gift of sunshine.. Out in the sun we go to play... WIll my sunshine day come soon? Can bear the rain clouds all the month long...

Thinking about those that are thousand miles away. thinking about possibilities. realities. life. Hmm. Missing friends of new and old. Comfortable oldies and exciting acquaintances. Different stages of the relationship life cycle....

Salsa class tom. Dope. I pray won't step on the feet of another. I still can't do my simple turn.

Friday tom. :) It's the weekends. TGIF.!!!

Newest lesson learnt: Life and people u meet in this journey are transient.. Wonder sometimes why make the experience when it is going to last for that brief moment. Is the memory really worth the while?... It is the process of going through with it... The struggles faced. the happy moments shared...

Yes I know I am an idealist. But what is life with no ideals? Do not stereotype me... As much as I have a natural preference.. I know that I have to feed myself.. Will not be the vagrant that lives on her ideals. She will be a responsible daughter, worker, servant etc.

Humilty. Elusive. Pray you will teach me to exhibit that more and more.

sleep time. Nites world. Pray you'll be bright and sunny when I awake!

Friday, January 06, 2006

Angels in my life- God's messengers of love

155am just came back. Work tom. Qn: why am I still bothering with my blog?!? haha.. Well. Just feel blessed, count God's blessings, know that I am still loved :) haha. woman!

1) At work: Today, had to do filing. My gd ol colleague (old boy) decided to graciously help me... Haha. filing, talking rubbish and just working.. Well. Thank you for helping. I truly appreciate the kind gestures and the car rides with my favourite track 1 in the big blue car....

2) At play: Went out with the girls last night, crystal jade... :) Like the food and the company. It's really nice. To just catch up, smile and cry (ok, maybe not that extreme... whine would be a better word)... haha and to watch cheesy shows together... :)(big grin - yes, i know that I am a deprived kid).... Tonight, went for dinner (ate something that I normally don't eat), had coffee, watched movie, and thereafter, decided not to go home, so we went to holland v to eat and be merry.

Yes. :) Happy that we met (though you are probably very tired), happy that we had serious, funny, enjoyable moments, happy that we had a toast (though it is about making it to the toilet in time), happy that you were here without any prior judgments, happy that you made my night.. :) Yups, the verse that I now am thinking about with regard to you... " I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ" Philippians 1:3-6

Yes,.. God is in control and is sovereign. Thank you for being passionate about what's important.. Don't worry, "we got to make the best out of situations.". so I know you will... You know you changed soooo much its amazing? Makes me feel less alone in this quest.... haha. gibberish at 215am. read bible!!!

3) Good friends who care... Thank you for your care and concern. Really am. though I don't show it. Thank you for calls to find out if I am still alive. Yes I am very much so. Thank you for asking me under the coconut _____. That never fails to crack me up. :) thank you for complying to late night requests.

okie now thoughts.
1) I need to be more positive in life.. Cannot be grumpy grump...
2) I need to stop thinking, rationalizing everything. need to start trusting and not questioning. Faith is the ability to trust!!!
3) Life is a process, how you do each step matters!
4) I need to loosen up. Don't want to end up like meredith in family stone.. :) more and be gracious.

Ok world good night. Need to wake really early tom! Yawns. Talk to you soon.


Tuesday, January 03, 2006

things i learn about myself

1) I am emotional.
2) I am not perfect.
3) I have a sweet sister.
4) I am blessed.

Tonight has been an emotional night. So many funny feeling... hmm. I think that it is that time of the month. After much restlessness. My sister and I constructed something that I should draw... :)Caramel holding sheep sitting on my heart shaped pillow. haha. will show you the pictures when little one decided to give them to me.. My camera being dead.. m fully dependent on sis's one. sigh. Should i start mourning the demise of my camera? Sigh...

Hee. But I must say that i am quite pleased with the pastel drawing. haha. think that my art class has not been to waste. :)

thoughts on responsibility in church. all or nothing. hmm. thoughts on it... hmm.

okie. need to sleep soon. tom is a start of a new year at work. Lord. Help me to be the best vessel for your use. (I have this nagging feeling of inadequacy again.. sigh). Oh wells. Ahem! :)
Nites world.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

boys. men., hmmm.

haha. sorry for this crappy post. I can't sleep and am too lazy to get ready to do so anyways. have a few thoughts about the opposite gender. I honestly thought that I got them all figured out from the longest time. but alas.. I am WRONG... well. maybe that's why marriages are lifetime and we only need to commit to ONE other kind (else we go mad trying to figure them out)...

OK, so wat is Peirong going on about? Hmm. thought

1) men are very competitive. I mean.. I don't belong to anyone right (besides God).. But why do I have the sense that you are looking out for me more than just a friend? hmm. so how is this connected to being competitive. It's like comparing oneself to whoever other friend I have? Is that good or bad?. Hmm. guess it's good if I like this "attention/protection".. haha. but an interesting obversation..

2)I honestly hope this is not true.. But do you think that men only talk indepth to girls that they like ?? I TRULY hope that this is not the case. Because I honestly enjoy a good conversation that does not involve too much "feely" stuff.. Quite happy to talk about world issues, values and biblical stuff.. Hmm. And sadly enough can't find many girlie friends that would indulge me. think that when Girls meet. they tend to talk about how do you feel etc.. Which is all good but too much is excessive....

3)Hmmm. I am so going to sound like a flirt. But went out with so many different martians this week.I mean like group outings and all... Some better than others. Sigh. I miss familiarity. I miss knowing what cracks the guy up. how to please him. how to react etc.. It feels so weird to have to be the happy bubbly girl again and again. Peirong is an Introvert. It takes a lot for her to be chatty. She just wants everybody to be happy with each other... But oh well.. outings are good and I am thankful for each of them. Just wished that my camera works... so that I can record people that have made my week...

4) this is a tribute to the latest martian that I just met. He walks to the table thinking that he is just meeting old friends when he spots a stranger. Some girl that he has not met before. Perhaps it was the "lingering" eyes.. or the longer than expected handshake.. but... but.. sensitive me.. was like ok.... look else way.. ahhaa quite funny. Don't understand men sometimes.. They arent very interested in this attractive quality called INNER BEAUTY are they?.. hmmm. oh well.

Okie this is it for the martians. Happy NEW Year. Will Post more about it soon. time to sleep and stop watching disney channel. God bless you all...