Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Last day of the year

I am SOOOO proud of myself. After like many hours, I have completed my new blogskin... How is it? What do you think!?!?It was a test of my non existent Photoshop and HTML skills.. But if you can read this, it can't be too bad right? :)Yes, quite happy with it. haha.

So, the last day of 2005. Has it been one year? It feels so fast and yet so painfully slow. Where there are some days when time just stood still... yet if you look at it on a whole, everything has happened so quickly. Haha, this is what adults always say.. time flies. haha. Help. I used to be able to remember exactly when something happened. But since I turned some age.. everything has been a whirlwind of activities.. whether we like to do it or not, it still happens and we still have to undergo it.. Hmmm. Interesting, concept of time. Haha. gibberish.

So. What will I look back and say this year was about? I think the word has to be change..Change from student to adult. change in mindsets. Change in importance of values. Change from being dependent to somewhat more independent(Wad I am trying to say is independent of family, Not too much, just a little)...

Hmm. is this change good? Will find out in the future. But undergoing the change kinda sux. haha. well. no. it is bittersweet. Bitter because I have to get out of my comfort zone. Sweet because I know that the change has to be for the good... Hmmm. (though inside me sometimes I wonder if I can always be a little girl, yeah, I know.,. tough)

Okie. enough talk else i break down and start this second guessing crap. So what will I want to do.
Simple- 1)Know that unless God builds the house,we labour in vain. So I dun want to labour in vain. Want to do that which He will be pleased with.
2) Want to always have the peace in my heart. Yes, wanna still live vicariously,.. But not foolish. No one moment's folly and a lifetime of regret. Well. Only God can help me with that..
3) Love God with all there is in me. Sigh. Much easier said than done.. When God calls you to do crap. then How? Still have to Surrender.. Oh well..
4) All this cannot be accomplished lest I continue being close to God. Pray that I will nevr be seduced by this world. There is a lot alot of glitz and glamour out there that never ceases to tempt me...

:) Enough of new year's eve.. Had a fabulous week of decadence. Haha. A good bumming week. Slept quite a bit. Spent time with good old friends. Ate a lot. Went to Malacca. Met up with University friends. What else can I say? I wish all weeks will be like that! :)

Okie, going out for watch night service. More decisions to make. Gah.. Little by little one step at a time. Must choose to obey and not the easy road.
Have a great New Year!!

Friday, December 23, 2005

the girl who has it all...

Okie. I think that the older I grow, the more frivolous I get. more starry eyed, more enticed by what's around me. gah. I am regressing. How should i balance this with sensibility, maturity and all things sane.

Watched King Kong. I must say that it is a good show. I mean if you watch it just for the action- good for you. But I can't help but feel like there is a lot of richness in the show. The mercenary director-, whom in my opinion, represents humanity gone wrong, who just wants to make money, live his dreams- but he gets completely off tangent, missing the point completely. Important to love/appreciate things for the way they are, and not to bring them out of context. hmm. like the quote on how the director has a way of destroying what he loves. How true of human nature. King Kong- I lurrrvvveee the character. Haha. well, you must understand. Ann keeps getting him into troubles but he is always there to help her. How sweet? and he doesnt want anything from her except for her affections. Wahh. so sweet.Have I just let go of the person who is so long suffering and just want my feelings? hmmm.

So my boss was like you need to watch king kong to know about live. haha so wad did i learn from king kong. I learn that 1) i cannot spoil what i love. 2) I learn that I need to show people that I love them. Another day might not come. 3) I learn that love is beautiful.- haha, can't think of any right now.

It's christmas eve. Need to shop for presents. for peeps. Thinking about town, having to brave the hordes of people. gai. God save me. haha. shopping is supposed to be fun, hmmm. lots to write first. so let me go on.

I watched pride and prejudice during the course of the week too. Hee, so sweet. Need to finish the book, oh, and I borrowed sense and sensibility. hmmm. what is love between 2 people about? the age old qn that plagues me.

Work is fine. I think I am doing good. well, apologies to those around me when I work though, having to listen to my whines, my angst and all that crap, but these folks encourage me all the way- gee I am blessed. Thank God. Family is good too i guess, dad just pointed at our pseudo christmas tree and asked where are my presents. I said nobody loves me. I don't get presents and cards. haha. and he went, you have a dad who loves you u know! hee. awww, what more can I ask for.---- a present! to prove his love---- hee.

So now, what plagues this girl who is obviously blessed by the Lord in heaven? I desire that peace in my heart- to know that this is it. I learn that unless the lord builts the house, we labour in vain. so the qn now is how do I know that it is the lord that builds the house? - i gather it is from the peace in my heart... So, I have decided that I will not act till I have that peace. Foolish that might seem to some. I feel that way too. Peirong. What have you done?!?! are u sure that this is the real reason, or are u in a pursuit of one of your lame ideals? that somebody will sweep you off your feet? like a mr darcy? have i found mine? I think that I am too young/inmatured to figure that out. Have tried in the last forever but I don't want to do that to my innocent knight again. Am frightened that I will cause him pain again. Dear Lord, will you grant this confused girl clarity? so that she will do things with ALL her heart and not be a double minded fool, unstable in all she does?

Yeah. Christmas is tomorrow. was thinking wad is my favourite christmas presents through the years. hmmm. I have too many great ones. just received one last week. made me cry buckets! But I like my forever friends bear a lot. haha. Went to HK with family one chirstmas many years ago. Fell completely ill and was forced to lie on bed the whole day. And it had to be christmas. At that point, the cutest thing around was a forever friends bear. wanted one as we walked the streets in HK before but shy peirong, never really make her intentions known openly. anyhow, I got the bear on christmas after being bed ridden the whole day! ahhaha. I think that instantly cured me and the next day, I was ready to move about and be playing again. :)

going to go shop in a while. Need to tell people that they are loved...

Thank you Lord for Christmas and all that it means. I pray that you will continue to teach me what it means to walk in your light in all that I do. May my heart never be captivated by what is not of you, and may my soul never be sold to the things of this world. Pray you'll reveal your beauty more and more, and may I be more like you each day!.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Melancholy

Feeling blue. No particular reason. It was a good day my saturday. All I did was be a starfish on my bed. and watch recuers on disney channel. Gotta leave now for my art class. Should be excited. It was meant to make me happy. but.. cant shake this feeling. haha. listening to miles may not be the best thing to do.as it perpetuates how i feel. but... tough. :)

Had a great week at work. Very intense but good too. Was very tired though so i almost lost it on 2 separate occasions... yes.. Peirong does have a temper though she may be considered mild at many occasions....

What have I let myself to believe> sometimes i wonder. I wanna run, hide, escape into my world of illusions. of fantasies and dreams. hm. blue.

Okie then. Off to go learn more about oil painting. need to believe that all is good. Well i know it will be. but don't like the loss i feel now. gah. welcome to life. It is the most colourful picture a person can paint. and i canot only allow the warm or the cool colors on this piece... they complement each other. haha. wad is this woman going on about? beats me too. have a great weekend. muacks.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Family....

Family.. I love them to bits and yet I want to scream at them! Grrrr. What can I say?

Parents: Grr. They are at the run away age. Hmm. I understand. too much pressures. But still. Please consider your children. They are never really grown-up.. they are your children. When you say a promise. You must keep it. gah. I feel spoilt to go on about it. But yes.. we must not expect/demand perfection. No such thing.

Sister: She is a 17 year old fine young woman. Well. in the process of being one.. but. sometimes she makes me wonder if we have really failed. 345 flight tom morning, she was waiting for someone to help her with packing of her bag. As in... really to look into the details about it and decide for her what to bring etc... last straw.. girl comes up to a sleepy old woman watching disney channel holding 4 little bottles in her hand "which shampoo and conditioner should i bring".. Not the kiddding melodramatic way of asking.. She truly wanted counsel...

!!!! So upsetting sometimes. How impt should the family be. How and what should be the priority in the way we express our love for one another? Big boss in office always says that we need to concentrate on what's impt in life.. go home on time... fren says that his mom is very happy when everybody is round the dinner table... My family gathers round the dinner table once a month if we are good. Often enough, people arent the most keen to do that! Gai. Patience, Lord I pray you'll teach me.

Wanted to work tonight. Brought home work to do.. But instead I got glued on Disney Channel.. Hmm. not a good sign! I wanna go somewhere and live by myself again... Suddenly missing my little apartment again. hmmm. nites world. I am gibberish again.

Friday, December 02, 2005

My blog doesnt work

posts doesnt get publish... why why why?
bummer!