Wednesday, November 30, 2005

God is so good

Yup, God is good. All the time.

I am reminded that I told God that I wanted to travel in my job - M in bangkok now.

I am reminded that I told God that I wanted to be able to glorify him in my job overtly, work for a cause. - M in World Vision now.

I am reminded that I told God that I didnt want to worry about money - well, truthfully, I am not being paid crap.

I am reminded that I told God that I want good working relations- had dinner with boss and 2 other colleagues yesterday. :) It felt really nice. :)Camaraderie of 4 women who are all at different stages in life.. I laughed so much. hee.

I am reminded that I am but a child of God, not in anyway higher than him or above another - all my failings always put me in perspective.


Yups. Good to remember blessings. Feel like an ingrate ever so often. I need to remember the good things of people, of moments, of things that matter. But yet they are so often in conflict with my failed human nature. Can one truly be happy on the face of this earth? Or is it an illusion that we are chasing? One that makes us do things that we would otherwise not imagine. My friend commented that I will one day elope.. enough of social conventions,norms, restrictions.. Hee. will that happen? Hmm. he is convinced that we can be glad and do what we need to do without feeling like life is a trade off. Hmm. "All to Jesus I surrender?"... Yup yup.

Haha. I am needing to communicate in English now. haha. miss having people who know me for me... rather than this singapore girl that is tall, who comes once in a while...
I can see how sometimes it is so frustrating when one needs to always be culturally sensitive. I can see why people can be ethnocentric (if they come from the west). It is so much easier to deal with the world thinking that where I come from is superior and treating others in a condescending manner. Hmmm. But.. I still like meeting people of all sorts.. Humbling. Everybody is good in one way or another..

Dinner with my bosses and another recruiter. It was really nice.. We are all very diverse people i must say... these 3 ladies were all married.. so ever so often.. they would get into a conversation that made me blush completely.. gah. people who know me know that when I blush.. it is SOOOOO obvious.. sighs. haha.. but it was nice.. talking about life, what is impt to them, what they wanted to do when they were in college etc etc. Hmm. It is amazing how diverse people's paths can be.. again i understand why people sometimes rather do the safe thing. the right correct singaporean thing..., hmmm.. But its so fun. When life is presented to God.. he will use it as he deems fit. An empty canvas ready for your use dear Lord! :)

Do not settle. When is settling settling and when is it being content with what you have? hmm. any wise opinions? I can do with some... making a decision now.. it is a quite a dumb one.. but i just feel like its repurcussions are plenty. quite dumb. but.. hmm. this is peirong. what do you expect?

hee. have a good day- lots of love from the land of smiles (other wise known as Bangkok)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Thoughts from an over active mind

Do not look at the past and ponder what might have been
Nor look ahead and wonder what is to come
But live each day to the fullest
And make it beautiful
So that it will be worth remembering.

Something of a church's programme sheet. haha. think that was God's reminder just for me. Being a inward looking person, I tend to reflect on what's gone by and wonder what the future holds.. these somehow being most of my present's thoughts. Went to another church today, pastor was preaching about Elijah. 1 Kings chapter 19.

Some thoughts on it, 1) as much as we are afraid on the external circumstances and run away, we are still not out of God's plan. He is bigger than my fears. 2) When we don't seem to noe what to do, an angel will come and guide your ways. Feed you for that long journey ahead.. the pastor preaching was talking about some of the symbols in this verse. the wilderness, the broom tree and the cave. Won't go further with it, but it is good stuff.

I love it when God's presence is felt so strongly. But I need to love God more than the outward expression of his presence.

Dunno the point of this post. Many thoughts. many emotions. no idea how to express it. what to do with it. hmmm.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The subtleness of sin...

I think that the devil/lucifer/ satan..Whatever you want to call him is really a smooth smooth talker.

Thinking about his recent ploy to make me fall. I think that he almost suceeded. Important to cling close to the old rugged cross. To read the good old book. Anyway, just a little brief summary on what I am going on about.

You would have known about my restlessness, the unsettled feeling deep in my belly. haha. typical of me to think.. OH oh. How? What should I do with my school loan? Working here.. hmm. no $$.. What should I do? I want to study again! How do I rise above the circumstances..? Recently had an assignment offer to be a pretty face at a trade show.. Go answer some questions and they will pay you good money.. The down side is that. I will have to take leave of my work.. Till now, I can't decide if that is a bad thing to do. Even after a pain staking argument about it.. Hmm. Oh well, undecided is the word.

So you are reading this and going huh? What is she on about man! haha. Patience.. Getting there.... Anyway, yesterday was reading 1 Timothy 6: 6. I have highlighted this in my bible. But then again, I highlight loads of stuff. So I might miss it.. haha. anyway, here goes:
But Godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap into many foolish and harmfil desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for moeny, have wandered from the faith and peirced themselves with many griefs


Yup, so how does this all go.. No, I have gone money faced. haaha. not swimming in a pool of money yet. But I think that through the days/weeks (yes it is so easy to be swayed), I have allowed discontent to slip in, telling me that I can do better than this, have a better life somewhere... and that I need to strive.. yes, I wanna be idealistic work in God's office etc.. But I don't want the cost of that. I want to be comfortable. But yet I am reminded. Reminded that Gain comes in when I am Godly and content. Both! And I should be content as I have food and clothing. Yup..

Another thing that this verse kind of wake me up to is about how people are peirved into griefs because of their eagerness for money.. Gee, I understand that. Not that I have become that. But I understand that it is something that can happen ever so quietly, it does not necessarily need to come with a bang and people go... Yeah! I want money..

Hopefully, I am not losing you. I have allowed myself to be led astray. Pray I can come back... to truly trust in the unfailing and not hope/ want/ manipulate/ figure how to do things MY way...

Such is the way of the cross.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Such a sweet song..

Learning to online christian radio. Whenever they play this song.. Always makes me go ... awww so sweet. I wanna play it on my wedding! (That is if i Ever get married).....
Oh well. This is it. (though it looks incredibly mushy when you see only the lyrics. It is really quite sweet)

When God Made You

Guy
Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

~chorus~

Oh I wonder what God was thinking,when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me.


Girl
Ooo ooo,I promise that wherever you may go, wherever life may lead you,
With all my heart I'll be there too.
And from this moment on I want you to know,
I'll let nothing come between us, and I will love the ones you love.
(guy):So gone are all my questions about why (girl echoes):about why


Duet:Oh I wonder what God was thinking when he created you,
I wonder if He knew everythin I would need,
Because He made all my dreams come true.
When God made you He must've been thinking about me.

Bridge

He made the sun He made the moon,
To harmonize a perfect tune,
One can't do without the other they just have to be together.
And that is how I know its true,
Your for me and i'm for you and my world
Just cant be right without you in my life

Chorus

(guy) He must have heard every prayer I've been praying (girl echo)
I've been praying (both)He must've knew everything I would need

When God made you, He must've been thinking about me.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

do you remember your dreams?

I remember some of my dreams but most of the time.. I forget it immediately once I wake up.. waking up is such a funny thing.. From one world to another.. Always somewhat hazy, surreal and forgetable.. Remember mornings where waking up is the last thing I wanna do. Others when waking up is with a promise, a smile on my face...

Okie, enough attempts to sound poetic.. haha. just wanted to write down my dream. Not sure if it will be super accurate. But this is what I remember... somebody wanted me to draw/come up with something that depicts my view of life.. something that means something to me.. What would your point of view be??

Anyway, this is what I dreamt I came up with.. the picture of a flower.. you know the ones that you draw as a child. one circle in the middle and many circles around.. yup.. reason.. I want to bloom for Jesus.. be one of the many flowers in God's meadow. Want to be used by him to beautify his existing kingdom...to bloom for him yet be one of the many that is in the meadow.. to be part of the whole picture... :) A flower girl even when asleep...

Yup, remember the waking up smiling.. praying sincerely "Lord, please help me to continue to bloom for you today!"

Thursday, November 03, 2005

My place in this world

Don't like the tune.. but i can so relate with the words.
Dear Lord, I know your ways are higher.. please grant your daughter an extra portion of faith.. To know , trust, and be at peace with what is happening.. It be appreciated if you throw in some what amount of direction..

As I grow older.. I am exposed to more choices. I can choose what I want in life, who I want in my life, what is the most important thing in life.. Hmm, not I can choose.. it is more like I HAVE TO.. can't abdicate this responsibility to my parents, circumstances or any other frivolous reasons... Yup. Is this wad being an adult means? turning from a dependant to something more.. But yet it is important to not be independent of God etc. Gah.. so difficult..To choose wisely and know that God will direct your paths?.. Sigh. I hate to decide.. maybe that's why this is especially hard for me.

Oh well.. God will make a way (show the way). when there seems to be no way (or rather too many ways)

Song with Apt words...

My place in this world.

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like I'm
Chorus:
Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need Your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong
Is there a vision
That I can call my own
Show me I'm

Chorus