Friday, June 17, 2005

is it wrong to be an eeyore???

A natural disposition to see the grey cloud, to understand the consequences of this cloud. To be saddened by this cloud. and yet recognise that there is a silver lining.. But... I see the grey cloud. :( Is that bad? Is it bad that I am melancholic??

Exams tom, but I am not inclined to studying some more. Maybe I'll read the notes a wee bit more, but nope, I can't bring myself to another 10 hours of reading it.. Can't believe that school is done. Wow. yeah. It's done.. Peirong, you are going to start your new phase in life.. Be glad, be excited. Embrace the future and be joyful always.. Yups. I will. I will look at it as positively as I can.

If you as the reader are confused by my ramblings. That is because I am not writing this with a clear mind. I have a 100 over thoughts in my mind.. Not wanting to categorize and organize it.. I just read my journal on my exchange. I know what gets to me.. Am i just clinging out to something that will not work? Am I just being a daft, dense, stubborn individual who refuses to see how things are? I pray not but why do i get the nagging feeling that I am? Am i just being a girl? Wrapped by my insecurities and wishing for perfection? God I need you to make me perfect in you...

My latest "into" thing.. Howard!! hahaha. yes, its this guy from eye for a guy. I dunno why I am taken into by him. He thinks and yet has a sense of humour! and that to me is a great achievement for people from the underpriviledged gender(sorry guys).. Ya, its really great to see that engineers, It personnel do have a tender side, a serious side, I dunno. The thinking poet in them.. haha, he works for microsoft. So, I mean, he must be an intelligent person..

Talking about work, my fren just got hired from Hewitt!!I am happy for him. It's great to see your frens start a new chapter in life. You just want to be sincerely happy for them. Ya.. dear Lord, take away the bitter feelings and put instead sincere motives..

Okie, to end this entry, will go back to my philo stuff, this is my fav quote taken from one of my readings by John Stuart Mill

"Capacity for the nobler feelings is in most nature a very tender plant, easily killed, not only by hostile influences, but by mere want of substance; and in the majority of young persons it speedily dies away if the occupations to which their position in life has devoted them, and the society in which it has thrown them, are not favourable to keeping that higher capacity in exercise. "

pray i will always have the capacity for nobler feelings *crossing hands, bowing down and silently whispering a prayer....*

Saturday, June 11, 2005

forgot to mention the heaps and heaps of fun! Posted by Hello

Where we stayed.. A pretty sight so it seems... Posted by Hello

6 musketeersthat went for camp from SACC Posted by Hello

What is in a Life?

Well.. I've been meaning to post for a while. But work and all have been keeping me away from this. I wanna new blog skin. Don't like my present one... Too boring. Oh well, will keep it till i find something else that I like. heh...

Hmm, anyway, some thoughts.. not well structured. but it will suffice for today. I think that how a person touches another's life is so interesting.. There was an accident that took place on the main road just outside my place. So there is this (Fatal accident. Anyone with any information.. please call******* )sign.. Well. This sign brings back memories. Not too long ago.. a sign like that meant soo much to me.. But I realise that an individual death doesnt affect everybody. only those related.. Yes yes, i know thats probably a very silly statement. but death is a reality like it or not...

Just read my friend's blog on her life in NZ.. I miss Wellington. I miss walks to Oriental Bay. I miss going to midnight expresso. I miss having my space. I miss friendly talks. I miss walking to neighbour's for dinner... So much to miss. So much memories. Why make them when you wanna go back to them but cruel reality tells you that it is not possible? That they will now only be kept in the heart? As a place that is seen by you. one that only you understand.. And through time..It will fade... only to become a faint past that meant something to you.. Oh well. the melancholic side...

Hmm. on a brighter note. I thank God that I went for camp. That was quite cool. Wanna work with God and not for God. Wanna be excellent for him. So much to say about camp.. we serve an awesome and real God.. May i never forget that.:) God is good. I can only be grateful. I think that i've learnt above all things to be a grateful person.. That I've been blessed much.. hence much is expected from me. I just wanna live up to it.

I can't stop to say how much joy I am feeling now.. haha. ya even in the midst of melacholicness.. haha. God is good. What can I say??? so much more to say. But will leave it.. Too much isnt always good. Good night world. Thank you Lord for giving me a renewed passion about all there is around me. Good to live feeling hopeful!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

when reality meets ideals.

Yesterdae I made an interesting discovery. Or rather I've made peace with an important piece of reality. I will need to be a responsible daughter and kind of provide for my family.. Hmm. what are the implications of this? I guess it means that I will need to find a job that will pay and so... I gave myself 5 years to work to pay off loans and such.

What does this mean to me? No chasing my ideals.. I need to make the best of what I have. Great to have the peace in my heart though. Yup. I guess I just need to make the best of wad I have. yup... Oh well..Enough said and done. I will need to be a good diligent girl.. Ambition that is NOT selfish.. Drive that is not self centred.. kinda sad that what i want has to wait.. Hmm. wad i go through has to be a stepping stone. A learning experience to what is awaits me. Okie. enough being dismal about my future.. God is in charge.. He promises the best. I will need to believe that!!!

hmm. other than that, my week has been good. I guess.. Had a time to talk things through, had been able to watch magagascar and eat good food. Spend time with a great friend.. yup. quite cool the time we spend tog.. just bumming:) wink wink. Yup. hmm. I need to do my essay though. Its due next week and I am a bit worried I won't have enough time for it. Sigh.. this happens when one provrastinates.

Oh. I got back my results. Was quite sad. Hmm. I think that results are very humbling. No.. I didn't fail anything, nothing too drastic as that. But I think I've based my worth on results for the longest time.. And God has been teaching me time and again that it does not define me.. But being the dense me, It takes a while to settle. A while to digest what they mean.Yup. whenever I see my results. My first reaction would be to feel like a failed perfectionist. But I am a true believer that something God will continue teaching you until you learn.. and obviously I've not learnt.. Hence my unsatisfactory results. True there is an element of self.... But I've resolved never to feel crap and miserable because of school stuff. Oh well. I know that everything is in His plan. Made a secret deal with God. was telling him that if I did better this semester, that would mean that I was to do my honours.. Haha, I guess that was not meant to be.. Wrong intentions for doing my honours anyway. Oh well. He knows what means the most to me. He knows me inside out.. So who am I kidding. Honours would not mean too much i guess.
Oh well.:) God is good... It is exciting to noe what it is in store! Yup. Hippy hippy aye aye!

Going to camp tomorrow. A bit apprenhensive. Oh well. Will see how that goes... God is good. It will be a good camp!!!! OKie. it is time to pack. Good night my blog and the world. God Bless you as you read this blog. SMile!